Lesson Three Discussion
is the Healer?
what it's all about.
How do you
Love and Healing
Response to Sex and Love and Healing
Reversals and the Gap
from the Mother's Side of the Gap
Asuras from Mother Essence
Can you give me
some real help?
Release and the Role of Spirit in the Healing Process
and Parenting Self
I fear being lost
Should I leave my
husband for my own healing?
Belonging to Groups
The new road begins
in the Healing Class area of the GodChannel Forum
I fear being lost in love.
"Pure hooey hooey hooey".....God
I love hearing that from God. Welcome to us now!
"Sometimes the vernacular is the best
way to express an emphatic thought. The channelers here wince
whenever my expression stops the spell checker, but this medium
is informal enough to allow linguistic honesty, so why not?"
And yes, I want to help and I am helping to
do my part in reclaiming my lost spirit essence and aligning
it with my will's desire to give birth to heart in manifestation.
I offer myself to become who I really am, a gem of the Heart
of Creation. I align myself with you, God, in this intention
for wholeness and in my work to unite with the Mother in me.
This is my life's purpose. I'm following you on this one, Baby,
on the road to becoming god-of-myself.
"Well, welcome aboard the backward
express. I hasten to mention that in your wholeness you are
more than a mere gem of the Heart of Creation. You are
the Heart of Creation. And as a whole human being you will not
merely be in manifestation, you will be manifesting,
both yourself and the world."
It's a process of back and forth for me, back
and forth between my will self and my spirit self...to build
the heart bridge that is becoming wholesome SELFLOVE. I related
to your original cause story where we expanded in a burst of
light to push away from feeling engulfed by the Mother. Oh how
we feared losing ourselves to love.
"Yes, I told this story to help those
of the Spirit polarity find the root of this issue. Until we
can come to terms with our fundamental fears they will stay in
denial, along with the guilt and judgments that infect them.
Bringing this to the surface and facing it is the first step
in healing it.
"Another reason for the story
of the 'mirror' was to point out two other fundamental qualities
of Spirit in relation to the Mother that need to be improved
upon. Did you notice these two problem qualities in that story?
"A precursor to predatory behavior is
the ability to look upon someone as a 'thing' to be used. Also,
that fascination I had with my own reflection is now endemic
in the Spirit polarity, and has come to be called narcissism.
Long before I knew it was any kind of a problem, I found myself
quite natural at being a narcissistic user of feminine essence.
While wholesome self love is now seeming possible, we still have
a long way to come, baby."
Still today I sense these fears and original
imprinting going on in my relationship with my wife. I fear losing
my Self in opening to and uniting with her. I feel to be in a
stand off, scared to move away for what I may lose and scared
to go closer for being trapped. I'm really starting to fully
understand how this is a PROCESS I am in, this life of learning
and evolution. And how the process is now leading me to go back
to reclaim all the lost essence of myself, both spirit and will
essence. . . and how in so many ways my relationship with my
wife reflects both my own internal relationship with my own Mother
essence as well as the universal struggle for Heart to be born.
Like you say. . . as within so without.
"The really interesting thing about this
principle is that you can work on either side of it. Outer changes
effect inner reality, inner changes effect outer reality. Which
side do you think is easier to change and has the more powerful
"Also, it's good that you're using the
opportunity of your relationship to get more understanding of
what's been going on inside of you. The way you understand and
experience your relationship says volumes about you and almost
nothing about your wife, for she has her own understandings and
her own process.
"Too often people on a healing path will
find blame in their spouse or relationship partner, and look
no further for the cause of the problem. Their progress is stalled
because they believe the other must somehow change or heal before
the union they both seek is possible. It's good to remember that
guilt and blame are a continuum,
and the only hope of healing is to bring the locus of control
and responsibility back into yourself. Judgment
release is key to moving through these kinds of stuck places."
In my self-healing work, a place I've had
confusion and deep struggle with is the process of untangling
denied spirit essence that wants life and needs to move back
into love from the asuric essence that only wants death. For
me, the only way I've been able to know for sure is by feeling
deeply these essences. But this has meant vibrating in places
where it feels like no love at all exists, which is horrible,
and then allowing these feelings to move into a new experience
of acceptance, healing and love. As one of the Right Use of Will
books you subtitled says: vibrating heartlessness to let heart
"Horrible is the right word for it, a
combination of terror and dread. Further, that non-essence that
is desperately seeking death wants you to align with it. Even
worse, rescuing the denied spirit essence that needs redemption
often requires you to find acceptance for the parts of yourself
that have until now been aligned with the asuras' quest for death
and destruction. This work is not for the faint of heart, and
yet no heart exists in these realms."
And sometimes I feel so raw and vulnerable
from such experiences that I'm confused about whether this is
actually helping me to heal or causing more suffering. Your reminders
about strengthening my intention to align with you in this and
about using judgment release has given me much of what I feel
I need to make it through, yet still I fear the asuric essence
that remains with me subversively creating my death.
"The test of whether an experience is
moving toward healing or toward more suffering is in its outcome.
If the outcome is the same or worse than it was last time, then
it's a reenactment and it has further entrenched the suffering.
If the outcome is somehow different, perhaps with more understanding
or awareness, then it's moving toward healing.
"This is why judgment release is so important
at this level of the work. It turns reenactments into learning
experiences, and brings new Light to the situation. With the
judgments and their effects of guilt and blame gone, both the
spirit and magnetic essence that was previously trapped in a
pattern of reenactment can now move into a new experience."
I fear I won't make it in time...that this
unloving force has more power than the rest of me does. I dread
to experience death again and yet it feels like this healing
means going into near death to save the parts of me that have
been unmoving and trapped there. I am learning that You are here
for me to support this process so that it does bring healing
rather than another downfall, yet still there are moments I feel
lost and without love. Any other suggestion to help me here?
"You have all the information you need,
now for a method. The easiest and surest approach is to work
gradually, one step at a time. Your fear of the asuras and the
fear that you won't make it in time are both in alignment with
fears the Mother has, and the dread of death is a constant source
of pain to her.
"You can use the alignment that you have
found with me to help bring Light and acceptance to the magnetic
essence that is experiencing this. True
Sacrifice is a good metaphor for how to do this. When you've
moved the fears and dread, you'll be much more able to tolerate
the intense pressure and heat surrounding the parts of yourself
that are still trapped in death's doorway. Just remember to ignore
the 'welcome' sign that hangs there, and bring them back alive.
"Feeling lost and without love seems
to be a standard feature in all beings who reflect Deity, and
is most notable in humans. Obviously it's important to move these
feelings before going deeper in this vein. The imprints here
are of two basic types, spirit and magnetic. Strange but true,
it's the spirit imprints that are the more difficult in this
"This is because I had denied them for
so long. The Mother has been well acquainted with these feelings
in herself, but I retreated into Ahriman when I first felt them
after the explosion that ripped the Mother apart and separated
her from me. As Ahriman, it didn't bother me at all that she
and the love we shared were gone.
"It's good to find and move the deep
loneliness of Spirit before attempting to be helpful to the Mother
here. If you don't know already where to look, I suggest the
Spirit side of the charred ruins of Original Heart as the place
Thanks again for sharing your learning process
here with me and fulfilling the parts of me that crave feeling
connected and supported, even if it is not yet a completely heart-whole
experience. In myself I now look and feel to experience the fruition
of Grandfather's Plan. I love you as best I can!
"Love happens. And your best is very
good, indeed. You know how damaged Heart is, and you know it's
your responsibility to heal that damage. You know love from the
dark side. And as Brave Heart in search of healing you've gone
purposefully into the Gap between the Mother and me that was
created in the explosion, and gone down to the bottom, where
death waits for a way to realize itself.
"Most important, you've come back to
tell about it, and you've even found a way to ask for pointers
on improving your work the next time you go down. And the next
time, I'll accompany you farther than I ever have. You and your
Desire in your realm, and me and mine in ours, together we'll
realize the fruition of Grandfather's
Should I leave my husband for my own healing?
In my marriage I face many of the judgments,
fears, & hostilities that you have mentioned as having yourself
toward the Mother. I am continuously opening to loving light,
then crushed and/or exploded by unloving light. I know that my
husband has intent to heal, but it's not happening very quickly
(at least that's the feeling). I have noticed that you have warned
the Mother's polarity away from this site because the judgments
that you still hold, and the denied light still present with
you is continuing to hurt the Mother.
"Yes, it's my denials in the form of
Lucifer and Ahriman that harm the Mother.
The denied spirit essence, still out of my awareness and not
aligned with my intentions often carries judgments against the
Mother. Denied light, particularly Lucifer, has stayed very close
to fragments of the Mother and has often been successful in convincing
her that she has no spirit of her own, and that I will always
harm her, regardless of my professed intentions.
"When I come too close to the Mother
while still in denial of these spirit fragments, she feels my
good Light as the bait in 'bait and switch', and believes I'm
being contradictory and trying to torture her by first showing
her love and acceptance, and then rejection and denial. And of
course, while I still have denials, I am. So far, these kinds
of relations have all ended with the Mother feeling denied by
me. This is why I must first redeem
my denied light before I can approach the most tortured parts
of the Mother.
"This is a very old pattern, and its
reenactments are the single most damaging element in the relationship
between the Mother and me. The difference between now, and all
the times before, is that I'm now aware that this is my
problem. I use to think that the Mother wasn't perceiving me
correctly, and I looked for ways to 'fix' her, instead of looking
to my own denials.
"My warning the Mother away from my Light
on this web site is an attempt to take the 'bait', and hopefully
the sting, out of the old unconscious pattern of 'bait and switch'.
It's also a way to affirm that my truest presence is not available
to her through this indirect, ahrimanic
medium. Spirit and Desire can unite on Earth only in direct,
personal inner contact. Heart presence is the result of our union,
and Real Heart or New Heart are only possible when we come together
without denials and in complete, open, honest loving."
My question is, I know that it is hurting
me in those same ways to continue my marriage, (but it would
hurt not to continue). . . we are both learning, but is it better
for me to be alone at this time in my process of healing? And
should I make the children's welfare a priority over my own?
It seems that each time I feel the need to leave, the happiness
and safety that the children feel keeps me present here. Please
help me. . . guide me. . . I have free will, I am free will,
but I am unsure of the best path to wholeness, and I could use
your loving advice.
"Your dilemma is the Mother's as well.
Relating with me is often hurtful to her as we work together
to heal the lost, burned and broken Heart between us. Even the
part of her that likes me the most often asks to be alone, so
she can safely go to the depths of her being, where my Light
is still unable to reach. She returns somehow renewed and better
able to continue our relating, and of course I am very happy
to give her leave whenever she needs to go. In fact, it's always
her choice to relate or not. You also need to be alone at times,
and it's important that this be honored by both you and your
husband, and your children.
"Over the eons the Mother and I have
both used the welfare of the 'children' as the reason we should
be good to each other, and work together to resolve our issues.
Of course, the children are best served when we're being real
and true to ourselves, and not pretending
or 'making do' in an attempt to protect them from the pain
of our separations.
"You are experiencing the slow, difficult
hurt of not being fully accepted and understood, as well as the
occasional explosions you mention. If you were to also experience
abuse, you would know what to do. You would, of course, separate
to protect yourself. However, as you are safe from intentional
harm, you are left with a situation where the triggers are often
more than you can manage. You and your husband are in a similar
place in your relationship as the Mother and I are in ours.
"You may know more about the whole situation
and what's necessary for healing, and how to go about it. He
may know only a very little. You don't want to have to teach
him as if he were your child. And yet if you do, he can learn
more quickly. Like me, he needs to learn more about redeeming
his own denials. You can help him by gently, and with permission,
pointing them out to him. Get him to ask you to help him. There's
something very good about teaching, by the way. Teaching someone
how to do something is the very best way to learn it for yourself.
"The path to wholeness is really not
a 'path' at all, but rather a way of being. I've called it 'driving backwards' to make the point
that your deepest interests are best served when you relinquish
control, or the illusion of control, to a deeper inner guidance.
As you turn away from the future and look back upon your life
and your relationship, you can reap some very important benefits.
"First, you can collect into your heart
more of the learnings and goodness that you've accumulated so
far. Second, you can more easily be present here in the eternal
now, trusting and waiting for what's next, without the bother
of expectation or dread. Whatever is next will come, and with
it will be another key to your healing. When something happens
that a decision is appropriate, the right choice will be clear.
And third, you put yourself in direct alignment with the stream of grace from Grandfather.
"Your longing for deeper acceptance and
understanding will not go unfulfilled. For now, you may realize
that waiting is yet another teacher, and the lesson is a necessary
one. And you know that your healing into wholeness is best served
by staying in relationship for now, while taking all the time
you need to be alone. There is much more to this, of course,
and it will all become more clear over time, with more communication
between us on the inside."
The New Road Begins Here
Yes yes yes yes yes yes yes.......I say yes
to these lessons you are giving, GOD. I feel so grateful to feel
in myself an alignment with you in choosing to reclaim the Mother
essence we have so heavily denied. Although I have had many moments
of feeling the total hopelessness and helplessness of realizing
a loving Creation, I must say that this moment I feel very hopeful
and inspired being part of our amazing recovery. I give thanks
to you and all others that are moving now to take back and heal
their lost wills. Your healings help me to heal.
"As your efforts help my healing."
Over and over again I come to places in myself
where I recognize that these original imprints are being reenacted
in my life daily and each time it affirms to me that there is
nothing more important than breaking these unloving habits and
healing my desire. I get the sense how I am, and each of us are,
pieces of God, and the greatest gift we have is to take responsibility
for what is ours and heal into wholeness. I envision the scattered
and broken pieces of a puzzle gradually, by their own free will,
coming back together to find their own right place to make up
the magnificent alignment of creation.
"We're all in this together. And our
journey home brings us into greater awareness of each other,
as your vision of the puzzle coming back together. And yet each
piece in its own right place is also the whole. The greatness
of a piece is not in its separateness as a fragment, but in its
unique alignment with wholeness."
I feel the first contact experience of "a
fight from my side and a rape from hers" going on within
me still today. In some ways I feel this dynamic more present
and accelerated in me than ever before. One of my responses is
to want to run and hide and avoid dealing with such intensity,
as I have done for so long. Only my strong intention to heal
and my Desire's feeling of appropriateness keeps me working to
find and heal the damage done. The depth of rage I feel, to the
point of pure loveless hate, is so upsetting to go through...yet
I also feel how crucial it is to reclaim my denied rage so that
it will stop acting out horrors outside of me. My new thing is
to help these rage pieces experience the sweet gentleness they
need but are so closed to.
"Yes, this is the work. It's a labor
of love, acceptance and reconciliation. The hate moves when the
hater is accepted as good. Judgment release
helps this process go quickly.
And on the other side,
to feel how hurt and heartbroken and terrified I am in the places
where I smacked myself, this too is so upsetting, and I at moments
feel it's impossible to heal such deep pain and despair. I feel
how important it is for the rage part of me to feel its fear
and hurt and for the hurt side of me to feel and express its
rage, giving birth to Heart.
"You've made significant progress toward
wholeness when you realize that it was you who smacked yourself.
This is truly taking responsibility. All throughout Creation
there is drama in the play of the relationship between predator
and prey, persecutor and victim. To remain only one of these
is to remain fragmented. To become both at once in mutual acceptance
does indeed birth Heart, as the Mother and I unite inside of
All this healing work is especially challenging
for me because I feel the need to retreat from society to process
these deeply negative emotions...and sometimes this is in sharp
conflict with the part of me that just wants to be out and having
fun with others. Another repeat of original imprinting, huh?
"Yes, and the easiest, quickest road
to healing will include times and activities that honor both
sides of your inner conflict."
Thanks again to all responsible for this site.
Please let me know if there is any other way I can be of service
to this cause... if it feels right I will act on it. (I love
free will!) Grace and glory to all of us.
"As I said, we're all in this together.
And thank you for saying it so well from the human side."
Can you give me some real help?
I so much miss feeling gratitude toward you.
I so much miss being able to breathe the glorious light of healing
love into my heart and feel it expand. I so much miss hearing
your reassuring voice, and I so much miss the times you lent
my Will/Mother your words so I could pour out my pain and feel
it understood and received within love. It was so much fun! Why
did you take this away from me by denying you had ever given
it to me?
"You are speaking to me in much the same
way the Mother had after I turned my back on her. She begged
me to return, and at that time I did not. I have since realized
my true desire is union with her, and I'm taking the steps necessary
on my side to find her again. As I've said, redeeming my own
denied Spirit is the first step on this journey.
" When I first denied my own Light, intentionally
in the case of Lucifer, and unintentionally in the case of Ahriman,
I set the stage for every fragment of Spirit to do the same.
Now there are many spirits who seem like me, but are not me.
Often a fragment of the Mother will come into contact with one
of my still unredeemed denials, and find herself right back in
the conditions present before any Spirit essence had been redeemed.
"I am right here and now undenying that
I had given you these things, and more importantly, I am affirming
that you absolutely deserve these things. Further, I am offering
them to you now. Can we begin anew?"
I so much miss feeling I have a right to experience
magic and healing light coming to Earth, and get to be a part
of that healing. You will tell me to release judgments against
myself, but how am I supposed to do that when you slam me with
so many judgments, telling me you hate feeling your light drawn
into me, telling me you and the Mother don't want to be near
me because I am so full of the venom you poured into me, telling
me I am not supposed to allow myself to experience you and the
mother coming together because that interferes with your love
life. It is not possible for me to release judgments against
myself or forgive myself when you hold so much against me.
"I am sorry that you heard me say these
things to you, and I take them back now. I speak for all Spirit
when I say if you experience any judgment against you, from outside
or from within yourself, that judgment is wrong. The pure, simple
fact is that you are innocent, and you are good. This has always
been true regardless of what I or anyone has said in the past,
and it's true now.
When you defined me as something bad, you
took all goodness away from me. You told me to move back from
your light, but I'm dying out here, left out of the healing once
again, choked and suffocated and crushed by the black hole I
am becoming. When I/my Will received that blame from you, it
feels like it all clumped together into a huge dark heavy mass
inside of me to avoid being shattered by your hatred; it has
so much gravity nothing in me can expand into healing.
"Besides the pain you describe there
is an even deeper issue that will soon need to come to the Light
of healing. The issue is the solid sense of despair and hopelessness
deep in the Mother's core. In many ways, this is the worst problem
in Creation. Right in the place where her Heart's desire would
manifest, there is instead this sense that her existence will
always be hopelessly filled with pain and terror, and that nothing
will ever change this, no matter what."
I am so lost I don't know who or what or where
I am or am supposed to be. I have been moving this pain intensively
for a long time without relief.
"If there has been no relief, there has
been no true movement. Working on pain, feeling pain, and expressing
pain in various ways are part of its healing, but 'moving' pain
means a transformation in the pattern that brought it there in
the first place. And you're right, that has not yet happened.
This is partly due to something I've not yet done, and partly
due to something you have not yet done."
"Most emotional healing work so far has
been carried out as if the only issues were between Spirit and
the Mother. There is, however, another player who is holding
most of the cards in the healing game. Body hasn't been mentioned
here until now, and his good will and cooperation in the healing
work is essential. What I have not yet done is come into total
acceptance and understanding of Body. What you have not yet done
is the same.
"Lesson Four of the healing class will
be about Body, which is really the very first priority in the
healing process for humans. There will be some important new
understandings about how Body wants to be related to by Spirit,
and what is necessary for Spirit to find alignment with Body.
The lesson will also include an easy, simple way that you can
heal yourself and help us all in our healing together, Spirit
aligning with Mother Desire to manifest Heart in Body."
Trying to release judgments in the presence
of this much pain just feels like feebly trying to warp my mind
around, and leaves me feeling even more dissociated and alienated
from my heart than I do already.
"You are right. It's very difficult to
release judgments, or do anything else for that matter, in the
presence of powerful emotions. Sometimes you will need to wait
until the feelings are not so intense. The best time is often
as soon as possible after the trauma has subsided. New understandings
in Lesson Four about releasing emotions held by Body will be
some help in this regard, and will fill a large gap in the information
I have given here and in other channeled communications about
how to do the work of healing emotions.
"There often is no feeling whatsoever
around the release of judgments. Judgments are mental constructs
and their release is simply a mental activity. However, there
are very deep repercussions that soon bring relief to the magnetic
essence when they are released. The value of judgment release
is not so much in the present moment, but in every moment thereafter,
when the emotion is experienced without the guilt or blame that
had made it so unbearable that denial seemed the only possible
way to cope.
"Recently there have been some additions
to the page on judgment release and
some new discussion. Judgment release
is a spirit thing, and the part of you that is spirit must be
close enough to me on the Spirit polarity
spectrum to do this work. Also, there are many different
approaches to releasing judgments, some more effective than others.
I recommend the suggested form
on the judgment release page as the best generic approach. I'll
give you more guidance on the inside if any changes in the form
would be more helpful for your circumstances."
Can you give me any encouraging word that
will help me get over the devastating disappointments, losses
and grief in my life the last two years? Please, please tell
me something that will feel like real help for this real pain.
Please let me know you see what's been going on with me. Thank
"You know it's not so much a matter of
getting over things, as getting through them. You have several
thick layers to penetrate, and I am already helping. My strongest
encouragement comes in my direct inner communication. I can be
even more helpful if you'll more consciously invite me in as
I've suggested in the channeling class.
"The best encouragement I can give you
here is to acknowledge your work, and your strong intention to
heal. Strengthening the Spirit presence within you and helping
it align with me so it will be more helpful to your healing is
the task at hand. I want to emphasize that that the alignment
I'm speaking of here is the alignment of your spirit essence
with me. Once we are aligned in Spirit, we can then seek to align with the Mother
and with Body. I'm here now, sleeves rolled up and ready to help."
On Healing Hopelessness
I wish to join the discussion at this point
to offer my experience of hopelessness. Firstly I wish to say
"you are not alone" to all those that have shared about
their hopeless despair. I too know the desperate helpless frozen
suffocating agonies of hopelessness... and while in that place
I know that any chance of healing seems impossible. Yet I have
gone deeply into this place many times, lost myself completely
to despair, where even my intention to heal meant nothing...
and I have come out the other side to experience the light of
hope and healing again.
For me it's been a back and forth process,
like a sea-saw to hell, in which I've fallen into hopelessness
-- often without conscious choice -- and then fought my way back
to the surface where such feelings could breath the light of
love for the first time. I learned that near hopelessness lives
denied rage, and moving that rage helped me to come unstuck from
hopelessness. I learned that near the denied rage lives a heartbreak
grief and the sorrow flowing was like a balm to my need to feel
hope. I learned that much of my hopelessness was fearing I'd
be trapped in loveless terror forever... and so moving such fears
helped me to come out the other side.
But this stuff is hard core serious because
of the lack of love present, and I agree with God that reclaiming
spirit essence, releasing judgments, and strengthening the healing
self is vital before going in too deep. Yet if you feel stuck
in it as if there's no way out, I recommend feeling for your
denied rage to free yourself.
I also wish to say that all this takes time
and to try not to bite off more than can be digested. And I want
to thank the others that have come forward to share their experiences.
Your struggle is my struggle and I pray for our joint healing
into wholeness on the stream of Grandfather's grace.
Lessons One & Two Healing
Class Discussion | Healing Class: Lesson
"Thank you for taking the time to share
some of what you've learned in the only way learning truly happens,
direct experience. The Mother's original experiences in this
region you've visited taught her that what is bad now will soon
be worse, that it will continue getting worse forever, and any
attempt to change the situation will make it worse more quickly.
"So far, unconsciousness has been the
only way of escaping this place, and when she first left it,
she left behind a great deal of her most vital essence. It is
that lost Mother essence, frozen in terror, including fear of
feeling the rage you discovered, that has so far fought off every
attempt of mine to make constructive, healing contact.
I know that my own denials are what has kept
us apart for so long, and I respect her need for absolutely clear
and congruent Light before she can risk opening. When I have
this available, and when she does open, it will be as the opening
of the 'seventh seal'. Very quickly everything here will be very
"In the meantime, fragments of this trapped
essence are beginning to be touched in the healing work. There
is a sense of great urgency in this essence, and it is very painful
to them to realize the potential for complete transformation
is nearly at hand, and yet still out of reach. Even this discussion
can trigger this essence into feeling that once again Spirit
is moving in the wrong direction, away from her pain.
"It's important for Spirit to be sensitive
to this, and careful about going too quickly toward the Mother
here, because false hope further entrenches the original imprint
of hopelessness. It is vital that the next time I earnestly approach
the Mother here that I be completely centered and free of denial.
Thank you for aligning with me on the issue that completing the
redemption work at the Spirit level
is imperative before purposely attempting to contact this part
of the Mother with healing intent."
Healing Class: Lesson Two
Class: Lesson Three
Healing Class Table of
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