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Lesson Three Discussion

Page Five

Who is the Healer?

New Heart Emerging

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Who is the Healer?

Forgive me for looking to you for relief. I have tried, I tried today to hear that voice within, and all I hear is the sounds of the battle. It's been going on for so long that sometimes I forget it's there, but the past two days, it's all I can hear. The battle between them. I am the battle field, and I have been trampled and gored, pierced with a million different weapons, blood has poured deep into the gaping holes of my once green and fertile hills and valleys. I have been razed and gouged, burned and defiled, over and over in the war between them. They have tried to rip me apart and in trying to please them both, I have ripped myself apart. How is there healing for this?

At my core there is a feeling of no peace. With this bomb constantly blowing up inside of me, I don't know how I have managed to appear whole. It's a cover, like a layer of sod being dropped on top of the wasted landscape of my body. I've managed to get hold of a few key parts, and holding them in shaky hands it has appeared that things are okay. Even now, some part of me is telling me that it's not as bad as it feels. I just need to hold on, it will feel different tomorrow.

Will it? Or will I just find a way to turn down the sounds of the battle again, a way to keep pretending I am not being ripped apart inside by the poles that have my puny life in their grips, that have always had me, held me prisoner, waging their battle inside me, while whispering their love for me.

"Yes, it will feel different tomorrow. And today's feelings will return again the next day. And this kind of pattern will continue until the poles are united. However, there is something new here that you may not have noticed. When you are aware of the two poles, you are not identified with either of them. This is the most important and most difficult step in the healing, to be aware of both poles at the same time. You are now in a position that will enable you to do the healing work that was impossible when your awareness included only one pole."

I want to believe this will end someday. But it has always been this way, and what would there be, if not this? I have tried, in my way, to make them both happy. I have fought on both sides, worn both uniforms, pledged my allegiance to both of them, and loved them both too. I love them both. I want them both. And I want peace.

"You sing the ancient song of Heart, the mediator and the healer. And you feel the ancient despair of Heart's relative powerlessness. You have 'superiors' over whom you feel you have no power, and yet it's you who are the battlefield and you who suffers through the battle."

That is why I have tried so hard to make my own marriage work. I want resolution, forgiveness, peace. Maybe if I can bring it to my outer life, I can find some way to bring it inside of me, to the core of me, where my desire struggles with my mind in ceaseless, repetitive and heart rending battle after battle.

"Trying to make a marriage work is what the Mother and I did for a long time. It couldn't 'work' because neither of us felt we could be our true self while also pleasing the other. Neither of us was whole in our own right, both of us were fragmented. Becoming whole is the first priority after survival. Your marriage will 'work' without any effort on anyone's part when you are whole. In the meantime it may be easier to focus on the healing work that is happening with each of you in your own way. Support each other in your healing and the marriage will be stronger for it. You know this already, but it doesn't hurt to repeat it."

I cry and I cry over never having known myself, what I might have been, if things had been different. And I even rejoice in the knowledge that things are changing, maybe my daughter will have peace in her life, maybe even in her world. I would save her from my fate if I can.

But for me, I only want to love myself... to feel peace where there has been only war, to come together, where I have been ripped apart... to desire nothing more than what I can have.

This feels very far away from me right now, yet as long as I breathe... I will hold on, shaky or not, and try to forgive myself for emerging where I did. I didn't know... I stepped into the middle, sacrificing myself, my life, my desire, my body, my love, for all time. I made a mistake. Now I want to make peace. Peace is my desire. Can I have it?

"Yes, peace will come. And much more... all the rest of what you desire, including what you've believed you cannot have. Peace however, may not be the first sign of your healing or your wholeness. Your emergence was right, stepping into the middle was right, and making mistakes has not been wrong. Judgment release will move you closer to the truth here.

"A new era in the healing process is upon us. Soon you will be finding yourself in the middle still, but with the power to bring the poles together. Or rather, help them find their alignment. You can have your heart's desire when you make yourself parental to both your mind and your emotions.

"But how can this be? After all, Heart is the child of Spirit and Will. How can the child be parental to its parents? The answer is in who you are, and in the fact that you are a relatively recent development in the evolution of Creation. You are a human being. There is a secret power for healing in Creation, and although you don't know it yet, you hold the key to it.

"Where the key fits is the place in your awareness that knows and accepts both poles, the place where you become the balance point. As a human you have both Spirit and Will essence. And this essence you have, all of the essence you have... is yours. Spirit belongs to you. Will belongs to you. They are both yours, and the final stage of the healing will begin when the child becomes the parent and gives help and acceptance to the cosmic forces that brought her into manifestation.

"In your quest for healing and wholeness you have a powerful ally, the master healer of Creation. Her name is Body. Or is it 'his' name? Either way, Body is the key to the healing, peace and fulfillment of desire you seek. Body knows how to heal Creation, and soon you will find that power within you.

"The running energy practice is the immediate solution to the issue you first mentioned of not being able to hear me within, and this practice is a long term foundation upon which you can base your healing process. As you practice drawing upon the Mother's energy from below and mine from above, our presence in you becomes more obvious and 'real'. If at first the exercise seems only mental and 'visual', slow it down a bit and remember to use your breath as suggested... and in a very few sessions of practice you'll be able to sense and move the energy.

"This energy you are running has been called 'etheric' energy and is in fact, the energy of Body. As you bring Body and Body's energy into the healing mix you will find a new willingness in Spirit to pay attention to what Body has to show us about healing. And in this way the key to the healing... and to the peace for which you've been searching will come to you.

"Mediating between the poles, accepting and honoring them both... this is the healer. In your status of human being, you are Heart in Body mediating Spirit and Will. You are Will embracing Spirit in the dance of Creation as Heart is held by Body, and you are one being. And when you are responsible for achieving and maintaining this integrative awareness, you are parental to all of your parts, you are the healer.

Then at this new level of reality, which of the four parts of Deity are you? The answer to this and to the finding of the key will be in the next lesson in the healing class, 'Body'."

New Heart Emerging

Channelers' note: The following contribution is in part a response to the contribution and channeling posted directly above. We have added links in the contributor's text to relevant material in other pages on the site.

I remember as a child in this lifetime when others asked me: "What do you want to be when you grow up? What do you want to do with your life?" And I remember feeling an uncomfortable mix of dread and excited possibility in realizing I didn't know who I was or who I wanted to be.

I felt guilt's pressure telling me maybe I should be like Mom and/or Dad and do what they do... or like friends who seemed to know clearly what their path was... or maybe aspire to be like the famous ones (actors, musicians, politicians), in the limelight and helping others. And although I never seemed to know with certainty who I was or what I wanted to be, I sensed within me some deeper purpose waiting in wimp-like caution to be born. And now, after years and lifetimes of experience, my evolutionary learnings are awakening me to my own greatness.

I feel I can say now with healing-born confidence what I have been drawn to be since the beginning: "I want to be who I truly am, the Heart of Manifestation... and I want to completely heal my shattered fragmented world-self into balanced love-aligned wholeness." I tingle with aliveness speaking these words aloud, remembering who I am, taking responsibility for my creation. I am the host of the spirit and will essence here in this body... and in owning and healing my denied selves, I say aloud that I am the Song of Heart... the Heartsong singing! This is who I be in my becoming. Parental to myself.

I choose to come forward here and now in this way because, although imperfect and not fully loving yet, I feel ready and conscious enough to do so. From the ashes of original heartbreak I arise and am healing to be New Heart. Both the Father and Mother of Manifestation's guidance and movements within me and here on this site has been nothing less than Grace...this work of diffusion and redemption is so self-empowering... and I feel deeply grateful to all of us who are moving now from and into the Center to heal creation.

The pains and imbalances we share are still great... but great too are our intentions, desires and actions in this healing dance. Be brave, dear Hearts, and be true... for it is in me and in you that our ancient dreams are being born and our innermost desires are becoming manifest. And I say to myself as much as to you all, let us please move along with patience and sensitivity as we drive backwards more fully into WholeNow, becoming peers in our joint creation, remembering how to sing and dance our heartful songs.

Main Index - Lesson Three Healing Class Discussion
Lesson Two Healing Class Discussion | Healing Class: Lesson Three
Healing Class: Lesson Two | Healing Class: Lesson One

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