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Dear God, my will to heal seems to be weak at present. In the past I have been such a trooper. Screaming for hours in closets before RUOW came out, spinning my wheels and moving little. Hours of difficult yoga hoping it will bring me out of my mind and back to my Will/Body. Meeting Maharaji, who God only knows how, reached across the Gap and gave me a genuine experiences of pure radiant heart joy/bliss.
Hours of therapy and groups trying to get down to it. Doing without sex for looong periods, including now for seven years, for fear there would be too much denial in it. I can't say it hasn't been an interesting ride. It has been incredibly interesting, but also incredibly painful. I feel tired of pushing into the compression and finding so little release and understanding, but I am also tired of sitting on the fence.
Anyhow, I am kvetching, but that's what my deep pain and longing for relief feels like doing... complaining about it. Anyhow, I do have some real questions. The problem for me with doing the channeling is when I start with the running energy exercise, there are so many kinks and blocks in my body/chakras that I feel like I can't do much more than give some love and awareness to the two lowest chakras. It seems impossible to stay present for all of them and be peaceful long enough to ask a question or talk with you.
"This is Spirit, kvetching is an important step in the healing, it's way of realizing that something isn't right. And thank you for bringing up the running energy issue. In addressing this and the other issues you raise, I'd like to speak to you as one who relates as Heart, coming from Spirit toward Will.
"It's not necessary to do the running energy practice before channeling, but it is often helpful. If you feel you're having difficulty with running energy, it would be good to find out what you might do differently. This is just the kind of thing you would want to ask me about... or the Mother, or perhaps most appropriately, Body.
"Please feel free to just ask inside, 'God, what can I do to improve the running energy practice so it will work the best for me?' And then write down the answer that comes... as if you believed that was my voice speaking in your mind. Because indeed, if you ask, I will answer. And the same for the other parts of Deity as well.
"And you are right, staying present with what is in each chakra is the best way to understand this exercise. Of course, the lower three chakras are the ones that need the most attention and presence of your loving awareness, because they hold the Mother's deepest pain and suffering.
"There will be more on this in the next lesson of the Channeling Class, but for now I'll say that your practice with running energy so far is good, feeling into the lower two chakras is an excellent beginning, and vitally important to the rest of practice. And please be careful with practices like these, there is never a need to do anything other than what feels good and right in the moment."
My question is how do you tell the difference between asuric energy which needs to be separated out and given over to You... and Luciferic or Ahriman energy which needs to be acknowledged and taken back in. This morning I came out with some real paranoid hateful energy at my wife, and I did not feel like separating myself from it and asking you to take it back. Either because I was too identified with the asura? Or because the rage was some part of me that I had denied and left out to dry and needed to love.
"Asuric energy is most often in the presence of either Ahriman or Lucifer. Their relationships are such that the devils act consciously as master, and the asuras act as their barely conscious hounds or beasts. In practice, separating the denial spirit that possesses the Will of each asura from the rest of everything is quite easy... if you do something like what is described in the True Sacrifice practice. The denial spirits that possess asuras is what gives them their distinctive flavor of hatred and revenge-like killer energy that wants to destroy, maim and kill... everything, anything.
"Rage as you describe, even hateful rage... is the Will's feeling about being possessed by these demons and their masters, the devils. She of course is not the cause of the rage... it is a consequence of her sensitive essence being overruled and possessed by bad light.
"Her rage wants to throw off the possessor, but unless her movement of the rage is complete and thorough... her movement draws more bad light to her, more possession, and so on until she is hopelessly trapped and unable to move at all. This is the asura's goal... to kill the Will. And non-movement is indeed the death of Will.
"Another way of understanding the behavior of asuras is to notice when someone feels attacked, how they often react by defensively attacking back. Notice how the asura then gets thrown back and forth like a hot potato. 'You hurt me first!' 'No I didn't, you attacked me when you said...' And so it goes, blame and denial after blame and denial... until someone gets the last word, but of course no one ever wins these battles, except the asura.
"The secret to sure and certain asura removal is to 'catch' one... own it as your own, even though the other person is for sure to blame... and then send it up to me. Any way you do it is fine, and will work... but there are some concrete suggestions for how to do this in the material on the True Sacrifice page.
"Redeeming the devils is easier in some ways, because their energy is not as intense as that of asuras. For the most part, Lucifer is ready to come back into wholeness with me, but he needs to be reminded that I love him now, and will welcome him warmly. I am eagerly and earnestly seeking the return of this essence to my purview. I am taking responsibility with the Mother for all of my awful perpetrations against her as Lucifer.
"Remember, he's the hot-headed, sneering, pushy one with all the daring and lust. Channel my loving Light to him, and he will melt into me, because I accept him as myself... now newly out of exile. In this way you can love hatred, but not without first sending the asura involved to me. Loving Lucifer's hatred is like loving rage, and this is the key to his redemption.
"Ahriman, however is another matter. The cool, calculating, rational, judging, Father of the Father Warriors is who I had almost completely become. He was in such denial in me that he nearly consumed me. All of this light in your computer screen is Ahriman's. Can you feel the energy of his fluorescent-like light? Anyone who thinks... experiences Ahriman, and thus channels his light. His redemption is more difficult because his kind of hatred is more like disdain. It's harder to hold present, and therefore harder to love.
"If you know Ahriman as your own need to detach, to 'wash your hands', to 'think about it', 'plan for it'... or to in some way control or manipulate situations, you can find his energy. Unredeemed, he wants to oversee and control all Creation from the solitude and safety of his celestial tower. He is terrified of the Mother and Body... he doesn't want to get 'dirty' in manifestation, yet he wants to 'make it work'.
"Redeemed, however... Ahriman in his right place becomes the inspired servant of Will, wanting to make it work for her. Like the perfect 'man' or 'boy', he's on call to her every need and whim. Loving the hatred of Ahriman is like loving terror, and this is the key to success in redeeming him. But remember to first send the asura involved to me.
"In dealing with Ahriman, you may want to take a page from my book. Driving backward is an excellent way to disarm his power over you... it breaks the spell of the 'future' he tells you with absolute certainty only he can provide."
Second, is there anything honorable or lovable in the feelings, the denial of which, created Lucifer and Ahriman? I mean is hatred of the Will for disturbing us, a feeling that deserves love and acceptance? Or is the acceptance more like "I'm so sorry that I have had this feeling." than, "Welcome home, oh my long lost hatred of the Will." Are there other original feelings, like fear for instance, that made Ahriman and Lucifer which are a little more lovable than hatred? I mean can you love hatred?
"Imagine that you are a parent with a small child who stamps his foot and sends an asura-laden shot of energy at you... screaming, "I hate you!" Imagine feeling the impact of this energy in your heart. Perhaps you would not be able to quickly find your love for the child's hatred... but if you processed this experience, you would eventually find love for him in his hatred. It is the same for the parts of yourself and others that hold hatred.
"You cannot love hatred as such, because love and hatred are opposites, like acceptance and denial. But you can love the essence that hates, and that is what matters. If there is no asura present, your love for the child, or for the part of you that is hating will eventually absorb the hatred in them.
"This is the secret of loving Light replacing bad light in the trapped and lost Will. Loving Light, delivered through an emissary, your Heart... finds a way to accept the essence that hates it. Loving Light can not do this alone, Heart is needed. And it is your own Heart who will bring to your Will the loving Light of acceptance that she can then use for movement to throw off the bad light. And as she does, your spirit can redeem it... or send it to me if it's an asura."
I realize all of this is stuff I have to learn by self-examination and feeling, but if you have anything to say to me God, I'm all ears. I have a deep grief at the absence of heart brimming with love and reaching out to give it to all who will accept it.
"Send the asuras to me and redeem the devils as I suggest, and you will no longer need to grieve the absence of Heart. You as Heart will be too busy brimming with love for the hatred still trapped in your lost Will. But what I say here is not for everyone. For many coming from Will there are other, more suitable ways of doing all this. These suggestions are for your spirit and your mind... as they find their grounding in New Heart."
One last question... recently in my unmoving, giving up feelings, I had a fear that I might go out of the Light. Is that still a potential reality for me? Is there a timetable here? Are we either going to make it or not in the near future and those of us who have not been committed enough or intended healing enough will be pulled with our guilt/denials out somewhere away from all light and love for a really long time?
"You have already been pulled out somewhere away from Light and love... you and your lost Will are coming back from there now. Guilt may tell you that you are not worthy to be free and in the Light, but do you believe it? Do you believe that you are someone who could be left behind? Do you believe that your voice is not a necessary part of the consensus of the new paradigm of Heaven on Earth?
"If so, please release the judgments that hold those beliefs in place. Denied greatness has been a terrible problem in the healing effort. Your greatness and grandeur of being is the reality I know of you. And the timetable is in the twinkling of an eye. Healing happens, and enough time for a full recovery of all lost essence still remains in your first attention. Jump in and drive backward, if you will... and the rest will follow naturally."
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