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Healing the Invisible You
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Mother and Father in Heart
Conception of Love
Part Three of Six
ACCEPTING A SMALL WAR (as a positive thing) IS THE BEGINNING OF A GREAT PEACE
"OKay. ...Stop the "camera". I would like to step out of "play" for a moment and lower my voice.
"I am probably losing you by now. It's a turnoff for you, isn't it... I know. It's not a picnic for me either - to hold all this.
"I would like remind you of something important now. That in the midst of all this turmoil - I AM LOVING YOU. More and more so, as I know that you didn't run away, you're still here, and sincerely trying to work this out with me without judging anything as right or wrong. The more I am expressing all this aggression, the more love I feel for you. The more you are accepting this from me without identifying me with it - the younger I become. ..And the more cracks and holes that are closed up and healed in me - the more I am able to contain love without losing it again.
"I'll tell you, it feels damn good to me. We don't have to avoid conflicts any more, do we? We don't judge them as bad - we let them work for us! We don't have to whine that we've gotten all wet - we can choose to experience it as a cleansing shower!.. Small conflicts prevent great wars - we know that much already. Are you with me? Do we have a deal here?
"It's the first time in my long, dark, lonely existence that I feel I can heal after all. From a homeless, lonely, abandoned by all, unloved and unwanted, hairless and toothless beggar endlessly strolling on the streets, never noticed or acknowledged - I can heal into a young, shining, smiling, pearl-teethed, mischievous, full of life, sexy, loving bride.
"Yes, I'm reminding you here, on this battle field, that I'm loving you because I am not the otherness - I AM YOU. Move love, get me back there! And as I am myself struggling to hear, learn, understand, love and accept my own rage that is slapping me from outside now - I'm asking you to please accept me too without preoccupation with my quarrelsome appearance - It's hardly me anyway.
"I would like to embrace you now before we go on. I want to hold the ones who want to be held by Me."
FATHER in me TALKS OF MOTHER in me or CONCEPTION OF LOVE
"As I learned to see the True Mother behind this fallen, ruined, shrewish appearance - so can you.
"As I learned to see the unspeakable beauty and depth in Her and Her Knowing that I can only marvel at - so can you.
"As I recognized in this raped, broken, ridiculed and rejected-by-all whore as my own Bride, so can you."
"See through the veil and when you see Her vastness, you'll need all the help you can get from Me - I'll be ready. I love Her, kids. I love. I'm going to marry that whore and no one can stop Me."
A MOTHER'S SEXY TALK
"God, I want to tell you something, a little Mother's sexy talk. The kind of talk that children aren't allowed to hear."
I was strolling on the streets the other day listening to stirrings inside me, when in the middle of all this drama I suddenly changed my loose relaxed walk into a catsy-tensed, mischievous, sexy, dangerous panther's groove - and said to you (children close your ears...or maybe not): "God, I'll give you my 'contributions' so tight you won't be able to help but orgasm." What?! Did I say that?
OK! And now everyone is back on "stage"! I'm going to scream some more. Ready? Let's go!
IS SPIRITUAL BETTER THAN PHYSICAL?
What? You are spiritual now? Is it supposed to be better or something?
Is it better to only love your father and discard your mother?
Is it better to renounce the Mother and physical reality - while using it every day and every moment? Is it better to deny the very force that is holding you, feeding you, and protecting you every moment while you are not even noticing it, like the air you breathe?
...Because that's what it means for the majority and that's what you end up doing for the most part when you become "spiritual".
Did you think that if you turned away from physical idols, you are through with the spiritual ones? Not so fast! The real battle is just starting! The spiritual idols are so translucent and so perfidious and so tricky to identify that you will need all the help you can get from your senses and feelings - and how are you going to do it when you lost most of the Mother in you?
ARE THE SPIRITUAL IDOLS BETTER THAN THE PHYSICAL?
You're saying that God is goodness so you're bowing to goodness now as your God, demanding >from everyone and yourself to be good and righteous. Well, guess what - GOODNESS AND RIGHTEOUSNESS WERE AND ARE THE BEST SHIELD FOR LUCIFER AND AHRIMAN TO WORK THROUGH because it is very useful for them to blind everyone with their glare! And your vision cannot differentiate anymore because you were taught to rely on morals and reason for guidance and lost or imprisoned most of your senses and intuition with which to see the invisible!
For example, your morals taught you that
whatever is right IS right, which really means
whatever is right on the visible side is right on the invisible side, which really means
WHATEVER LOOKS RIGHT IS RIGHT. RIGHT? WRONG!
If you or your child get a high temperature, is it good or bad? Should you take medication to lower it? But if you know that this temperature rose to kill the harmful bacteria or to overcome the infectious disease, and by doing so it also elevated the body's immune system to prepare for the upcoming challenge - how would you judge it then? Is having a high temperature good or bad?
Or what if there is a dangerous decaying process going on inside your body or the soul, but you don't feel any pain or "temperature" or else you took the "painkillers" and continued your usual ways until it suddenly struck you down ruined "without warning"? So, now, is it good or bad to have a temperature and pain? Are pain and temperature good or bad? How can you differentiate good from bad, right from wrong, if you can't see the invisible side of it? Do you think your consciousness alone is enough to make sense of everything, and to save you?
You spent most of your life battling the physical idols only to turn around and fall into the hands of much more dangerous and treacherous enemies - the spiritual idols. How are you going to recognize your enemies if they are hiding inside goodness? How are you going to resist them if they are so sweet and so invisible, like sugar in your coffee?!!
...Not through your reasoning, that's for sure - it got you in trouble in the first place! If to feel it is the only way to detect it, how are you going to do it if you disowned most of your feelings already? Who is going to save you now? Do you have any other instrument, except for your intuition, to see, feel and sense the invisible?
HOW MANY OF YOU ARE WORSHIPPING GOD AND
HOW MANY OF YOU ARE WORSHIPPING YOUR IDEA OF GOD?
Why is this goodness that you are worshipping now, these "gods" of righteousness, morality, beautiful concepts and principles, rules and regulations - why are these "gods" preaching detachment from physical values when they themselves are not detached from spiritual values? If they are so concerned about your "excessive attachments", why are they themselves attached to your worshipping and praising them? Why are they always seeking to look perfect and flawless in your eyes? Why can't they let go of that image of honor, status and perfection? Because they want to be your God? Aren't these "goodies" also idols - only on the invisible, spiritual side? Isn't it obvious already that the real God is not attached to perfection but accepts imperfection as perfection and gives it His love? Isn't it obvious already that it is the spiritual that will eventually be "magnetized" towards the physical and manifest through it - and not the other way around? That it is "Heaven on Earth" - not "Earth on Heaven"?!
PHYSICAL IS A MANIFESTATION OF THE SPIRITUAL
And WHY IS IT not good to be attached to Mother's values - but it's OK to be attached to Father's values? Is spiritual better than physical? Are the Father's values better than the Mother's? How exactly? ISN'T MATTER A MANIFESTATION OF SPIRIT? And do these spiritual "gods" really want to save you or do they just want you to attach and thus open yourself to them so that they can suck the Life Force out of you and live at your expense leaving you lifeless, sick and impotent?!!!
So, how about being a real Son embracing Both Parents without being polarized towards Either? How about not being Them but being Love between Them?
AND HOW ABOUT DEFINING SPIRITUALITY NOT AS A DENIAL OF PHYSICALITY, BUT AS A CONSTANT STRIVING TO KEEP AND NURTURE NOT ONE BUT BOTH PARENTS IN YOU AND WORK YOUR ASS OFF TO CREATE LOVE AND UNDERSTANDING BETWEEN THEM? EVERY DAY AND EVERY MINUTE? AND BECOME, THE REAL, UNPOLARIZED HEART?!
AND HOW ABOUT MAKING A PRACTICE OUT OF YOUR MIND ASKING YOUR INTUITION, EVERY MOMENT: "WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO HAPPEN NOW AND HOW WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO HELP YOU ACCOMPLISH IT, MY BELOVED?"
MISS-TAKING GOD FOR GREAT GOD IS IDOLATRY
because the real God is not the One Who is without Her! The real God is the One Who is with Her! The real God is the One Who has Both inside Himself, the real God is the Heart! The Love! The Middle!!!
HEART SPEAKS TO SPIRIT AND SPIRIT - POLARIZED HEART
ON BEHALF OF THE MOTHER
You are saying that you want to consciously choose whatever you want for yourself. If you look deeply into it enough, you'll see that it's chosen for you already - by your own Free Will, your own subconscious. Whether it's peace or war, "positive" or "negative," a pleasant or unpleasant event, including crossing the street and scratching your nose - it's all chosen by the deeper all-knowing part of yourself already - whether your conscious mind is aware of it yet or not, agrees to it or not. After all, what has your Spirit joined you in this lifetime for - a picnic? Or a complete experience without the possibility to escape as it always did in the past?
FEAR OF THE FUTURE
Fear of the future is polarization towards spirit.
It is caused by your consciousness' fear of experiencing
what your subconsciousness is experiencing.
And why do you want to "consciously choose" your experiences? Because you are afraid that your subconscious has another plan for you? Because you think your consciousness knows better? Isn't trying to choose your experiences really trying to avoid pain and dump it into Mother, as usual? Isn't it your CONSCIOUSNESS' FEAR that you're feeling - fear of upcoming lessons and teachings that your subconscious may be holding for you?
It is all set up for you - not to fear and not to worry - only be ready to EMOTIONALLY experience EVERYTHING SHE DID (and does) - that's all! Your subconscious is going to bring everything you need, all the tests and all the lessons that your consciousness needs for its growth and maturity - nothing more and nothing less! And remember, it's only a mild version of Her experiences. Can you compare being fired from a job as an avant-garde thinker and being burned publicly as a witch?
And what do you think - was it easy for Her to face the "fear of the future" while being dragged to a bonfire - alone and without you, Consciousness, without any Light, any hope or even the possibility for help? While you were only standing there in the crowd, like you had nothing to do with it, and enjoying the "show"? She was utterly alone, misunderstood, abandoned and lost in cold, brutal Space for eternity - how would you like to experience that?
So why are you whining now? You cut your little finger? Oh, poor thing... She experienced countless executions - you thought it was a picnic for Her, an entertainment? She can't help despising you and feeling disgusted when She is watching you whining and complaining for every little scratch you get - do you think you are ready to be Her Mate? Or you'd rather be Her child like you are now?
And you, Spirit polarized Heart, instead of being Love between your Parents, you are still clattering with Spirits' out-dated Toys of all the "Isms" of the world looking for every possible way to escape Mother's pain. You spent most of your time in Godhead and you forgot that your real home is in the Middle, in the Heart, and that your real purpose is to embrace Both Polarities into Yourself and to unite it all into ONE. If you, the Heart, is not going to do it, who is going to do it? The Liver?.
The Mother experienced it all without Light, in utter darkness, alone all the way into the future. Now She is going backwards - only with you, Consciousness - so you better tie up your shoes! Because It only gets worse when postponed. Don't wait until heavier accidents happen, better be a small rain then a big hurricane! You better go for it and be open to it and lovingly accept it no matter what your "future" holds for you or you might need to FACE THE MONSTERS OF YOUR OWN FEARS BEING MANIFESTED! How would you like to be burned and tortured like Mother was - and IS!!? Are you terrified to be drowned, raped, dismembered, burned, buried alive and silenced forever, on every level and in every way? Are you ready to experience it?
Stand firm, Heart!
Let the Spirit in you feel
How it is to be in "shit"
How it is to be in the Body,
So vulnerable and aching
And stinking and operated on,
How does it feel to be in pain when
Rejected, humiliated, tortured,
How it is to live
When no one loves,
How it is to die
When no one cares,
How to walk and talk
That's what the Mother had always experienced
And that's what your mind and Spirit need to experience now
And that's what it takes
To be Perfect!
<Is it all kind of too rough and too emotional for you? Good! Come on, let's move it now! Don't rush with reading, this is not a novelty book, this is a therapy session! Direct your attention into your feelings and feel their roar and heat!>
AND FOR THOSE WHO STILL DON'T GET IT
And for those who still don't get it, I'll say this: are your feces right or wrong? Good or bad? If they smell bad - why don't you keep them inside? What will happen to you if you don't defecate for one month? ...Or year? Why do you think then, that it's OK to have an emotional constipation? Are you still going to judge your (or someone else's) emotions as good or bad, right or wrong? OR ARE YOU JUST GOING TO LET THEM OUT - NO QUESTIONS ASKED?!
UNEMOTIONAL PEOPLE ARE KILLERS
With the kind of life that we have nowadays, to survive (and let others survive), it is absolutely a must to have fights - yes, fights! - at least once a month or so. And love it and have fun with it too!
...Those unemotional people who think that they are "above it" are really killers! Because someone else out there will have to deal with these emotions for them and feel their grief, their depression, their despair, be suicidal or homicidal and act out all the rage and all the murders that their "dumper" didn't want to deal with, - ...because he wanted to be an "angel" .....because he wanted to be only Light and nothing else, because he wanted to look perfect and flawless, because he wanted to be "almost God"! The Mother Polarity can't Enlighten and transform these feelings very much, but YOU, the Consciousness, the Spirit Polarity - CAN! So, take your "shit" back and work with it because if you don't want to smell it you're going to have to drown in it! And if you still think that you are a "blue blood", that you are "above it", you're not going to be "above it" very much longer! The times are coming, the opposites are getting closer and your raging fragments may soon get you or your children right on the streets!
OK. ..."Stop the camera." I would like to step out of "play" for a moment and lower my voice.
And if you are still taking pride in your celibacy, thinking that it's a very "spiritual" thing to do - think again! 'Cause you might just get Alzheimer's disease or something. (As below, so above, you know...) Or else, you or a family member might get raped or killed by your own rejected impulse, that landed on someone else. And this someone else also may go to jail or be executed for you... While you are praising your healthy diet and talking endlessly about spirituality...!!!
TO DENY SEXUALITY IS TO DENY THE MOTHER IN YOU
And to you, the men who stifle and strangle their womens' emotions, I would like to remind you that her emotions are creating and sustaining the life in you every day and every moment, so you should be very interested in keeping her emotionally alive and accept and welcome all the screams and all the cries she has for you like a precious stone - LIKE THE EXTENSION OF YOUR LIFE. And love her with all your guts for the ability to keep you alive!
And to those Old Spirit men who are still "learning the situation" and are experimenting with my daughters, I'll give a piece of advice: find your real female part (and not her daughter!), make yourself present and available to her and her emotions as much as you possibly can, teach yourself to see the beauty in her no matter how broken and withered she looks to you, learn to love every wrinkle on her face, every bit of brokenness, every "imperfection" she's been carrying for you, put that lost spark back into her dim eyes and help her to keep her hopes and desires for you alive - if life is what you want!!! Because as soon as her hopes and desires for you die, you will vanish with all your "learned experience". Because the ELECTRO cannot live without the MAGNETIC. Because - accidents and heart attacks are happening every day... Because, HER DESIRE IS YOUR LIFE, you stupid jerk!!...
Is it too dramatic for you? Too raw? Too unsophisticated? Too corny? Too weak? Too simple? Or not intellectual enough to keep your attention? If you still didn't learn to see THE COMPLEX BEHIND THE SIMPLE - you better hurry or you might be late.
Does the child's cry sound simple to you? Nothing special to understand? Would it be too much for you to understand that this CRY IS THE MOST GENUINE PRAYER, THE MOST SOPHISTICATED MANTRA YOU CAN EVER IMAGINE, a kind of direct dial to God's "office"?!
And guess what - my "WEAKNESS" IS MY POWER - can you embrace that please? Do you know that one has to become weak in order to become strong? It's the power marrying the weakness that will give birth to Heart, and will make us all strong - not the power alone!
<Do you feel your feelings? Good! Get angry, get upset, get whatever, access your old frustration, grief, resentment, rage, hatred, fear - whatever comes up, feel it thoroughly and discharge it before it kills us and our children through other people! We can't afford to "shlep" around with it much longer and wait for the Messiah to come and do the "magic thing"! Messiah is the Love between Father and Mother INSIDE YOUR BODY and as long as it is not "IN THERE" it cannot be OUT THERE! >
UN-JUDGE YOUR JUDGMENTS
<If you judged something in this text, make sure you un-judge it soon or it might turn on you - as usual. To break free from chains of judgments is the only way to break free from ceaseless pain and turmoil. Right or wrong is not the point, healing is - remember? Later on, I'm going to give you some even more judgment -provoking material - if you can't process it now, how are you going to do it then?>
TO BE A HEART IS TO BE CHOSEN
And stop arguing over who's chosen and who's not. There was One Great Body of the Son, the Heart of the Earth, the Messiah-to-Be was standing there near Mount Sinai - all Six Hundred Thousand Souls. Whether later on some of you became something else, voluntarily or by force, or whether most of the Heart had fragmented into millions of pieces doesn't make any difference! Chosen people have a chosen job to d. Job Description: to bring Father and Mother realms together inside and outside themselves. Whoever takes that job upon himself is chosen!!!
Chosen to be Heart
Chosen to be Middle
Chosen to be Mediator
Chosen to be Messiah
Chosen to be Both
Chosen to be Love between Heaven and Earth!
Chosen to be God!
To be a Heart is to be chosen and to be chosen is to be a Heart - and if you like the job you are hired! And if you do a good job maybe you'll earn seeing your Leader to come - the Center of the Heart, the Son within the Son, the Messiah within the Messiah...
[ DON'T ] TAKE IT ALL TO HEART!
Chosen people are those who will lead the rest of the world to become Love, to become the link between Two Opposite Forces of the Universe and to unite them inside themselves and establish a loving and understanding relationship between the Two until all and everything melts into ONE - Pure Grace, One God, GOD IS ONE.
Middle East is a Heart area of the Earth, but every "organ", every place on Earth has its own Heart too. In fact, everything has its own heart, the middle of the things where reason and emotion, consciousness and subconsciousness, Heaven and Earth meet. And it won't be possible to bring Them together until all and everyone will understand that
THE DICTATORSHIP OF THE MIND OVER THE EMOTIONS IS FASCISM
And as long as it takes place inside the body it will take place outside it! Remember that Messiah or Heart or Love or Jesus - or whatever you choose to call it - is not a person, or not only a person - it's a state of consciousness, a state of being, a state of BEING LOVE between Two Beings inside you! It's a state of mind being able to embrace two (or more) points of view and give no dominance to any! You might be killing a Savior every day without noticing, if you are trying to hold on to only one point of view - yours. Heart cannot manifest on the outside until you conceive and give birth to Him right here in your own body! You can't become ONE until you realize and acknowledge that YOU ARE TWO - He and She, Father and Mother, mind and feelings, a calculator and improviser, a marcher and a dancer, horizontal and vertical, width and depth, Known and Unknown...and YOU ARE THE ONE TO MARRY THEM! ...And you can help it very much if you hold onto one truth for now:
<<NO ONE POINT OF VIEW IS RIGHT AND NO ONE POINT OF VIEW IS WRONG.>>
It is impossible to consciously know everything that the Subconsciousness holds, or not possible yet. Every moment everything - the whole world - is changing and your decisions and behavior should change accordingly. The truth or the law that you applied five minutes ago is not applicable anymore. Every truth can be applied only in its own time, only in its own place and only by the ones who are experiencing it.
One must learn to make decisions based not on what one knows from past experience, but on the guidance hidden in every moment and for every moment and the only way to know it is to FEEL IT!
So, don't sweat too much trying to defend your truth. And DON'T GET ATTACHED TO BEING RIGHT OR YOU'LL NEED A LOT OF WRONG TO HEAL IT! don't get attached to being right or you'll need a lot of wrong to heal it! Keep in mind that no matter how truthful your truth is - it will change. And quite often now. And drastically too. And sometimes to the opposite of what you know... DON'T GET MARRIED TO THE TRUTH - GET MARRIED TO CHANGE! Everlasting change! Feel it, listen to it, channel it, decode it, everyone can and everyone will - sooner or later.
DON'T SEEK ANSWERS FOR TODAY'S QUESTIONS FROM YESTERDAY'S GOD
And don't try to find today's God in yesterday's book; yesterday's word was for yesterday. God had expanded since then. He is changing and expanding every moment... He is in the here and in the now. Listen... He's talking to you and guiding you right now, right this moment... His and Her messages for you can be hidden everywhere and in everything you see, hear, sense and feel... They can be "hidden" in your dreams, in a phrase from a song you happen to hear, in a picture you happen to stumble upon, in sensations in your own body, through inspiration, through illness, through a single word thrown and hung before you by a casual passerby, through an inexplicable urge to do something or act in a certain way - and through your feelings and senses that accompany all this. ...Be an oracle for yourself. ...So what if the messages are inaccurate in the beginning? If you were to be bailed out of a long-term jail sentence, and missed all the revolutions and evolutions that happened in the meantime, would you be able to make your reasoning perfect right away? Your intuition was in "jail" for a while now and it might be inaccurate when you first start using it, so exercise it - the more the better. And keep in mind, that everything is changing - and these "instructions" will change too. Stay tuned. Look for updates - listen and look for the signs inside and outside of you... He and She, and then your Heart will lead you. Hush... Listen...
Soon, very soon, you will know, that no knowledge or opinion or point of view or rules and regulations will be useful or needed anymore. To STAY ALIVE you will need to be in closest contact with your own Will, your own Inner Knowing from which you will receive an immediate guidance, a signal, a desire that will be "custom designed" for every moment, every place and every situation. Thinking will not be necessary - the mind will be busy loving and helping the Desire to do what it must do. And you will not be able to use the same rule twice... In fact, THERE WILL BE NO RULES! All the decisions will come from one and only one place, the place of love and acceptance, and love and acceptance not only for WHAT IS GOOD, but also for WHAT IS.
And - hey, all this is only one part of the truth. The other part is the one you've been confronting me with in the first place. The only reason I was expanding on it is to balance you out with one more point of view. Otherwise, I would explore more interesting topics with you like: I was born female and I feel as female - why did I approach and study this flower today with such masculine (!) and sexual (!?) interest?!?!......
And to bind the talking with doing I would propose a nice practice for all of us to do: make an official time and space for performing a Fake Fight Exercise with (or without) your loved ones (or not-so-loved ones) once a week or so. And say it like it is. And then go for a cup of coffee together... You can make these meetings with God too. And say it like it is. Skip the coffee part... for now.
And if you have any complaints and questions about all this - direct it to Him/Her inside yourself and wait for an answer - if you can. If you can't, work until you can - that's what it's all about here.
After all, Who do you think is leading my hand now while I'm writing this?
A QUICK LOVE
Heart is Speaking
Thank You, the God in me
For sticking with me for better or for worse
For giving me the words I need
To express the Mother in me,
For giving me the courage and the Light
To walk into the Darkness of the Unknown
without a map or directions.
Thank You, the Mother in Me,
For giving me these complex
Understandings, wisdom and depth
In the form of feelings and sensations, so that I can
Transform them into words and
Bring them into Consciousness
In the form It can comprehend.
The Mother in me
For opening the UNKNOWN SPACES before me
And letting me bring the Father
To enter them.
I love YOU BOTH so very much,
I'm longing to marry You in me and
Bind You with UNBREAKABLE Love.
I don't know anymore, who is talking when,
OUR voices are getting closer and closer every day
Sometimes they are all speaking as ONE.
Mother + Father = Heart
(End of Part Three. All six parts should be read consecutively and as a whole to have a healing effect.)
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