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"This is Mother. Spirit, in my House of Pain... you will feel every blow you ever delivered to the Mother. You know it must be this way. There is no other. The Mother has demonstrated unequivocal courage in opening her door to you. Can you demonstrate the same by accepting my invitation to enter my house of pain? Are you as strong as the Mother? Can you in fact withstand the pain you asked me to endure in the course of your 'adolescent years'?
"When the Mother is ready to open each door you will enter and sit face to face with the fragment you created. You will not speak. You will only listen. You will listen to her story. She must speak to be removed from victimhood. You must listen to validate her pain."
The Mother in Draco
Speaking to Lucifer: "Temple sites, high rituals at noon. You bastard. You escorted me down here to seal my doom. When you knew I wouldn't be with God you came for me. When you realized I would not be with you either you decided ..."If I can't have her, no one will". You locked me away in your dungeon prison."
"Why are there asuras flying out of my second chakra? I'm surrounded in orange. It's sticky and spongy. My orange has lost it s vitality. My orange is not vibrant. It's pale and weak, lifeless, faded, almost colorless, reflecting the damage it has sustained....
Channeler: She is there. The Mother, now a fragment collapsed on her knees in a ragged gray gown that was once white and luminescent. Almost lifeless herself. Chained at the wrists, shackled and anchored to the dirt wall. God is weeping outside her cell because this is the state he has found her in. There isn't much life left in this Mother fragment. Upon his arrival the guardian asuras fled. Not many to guard her as few were needed. No resistance from this Mother fragment. She has no life...
She has been here for ever. So weak is she, God is afraid to approach her. He doesn't know what to do with her. She is beyond fragile. He is afraid she is dead and hesitates to move towards her. Afraid he will discover that to be true.
But she isn't dead God, although faintly she wishes she were. Her vacant eyes reflect torture, endless torture. That is all that is there. She has no voice, no color, no life force, no vitality. She is battered, bruised, swollen and beaten, dehydrated and weak, emaciated and filthy.
God's pain is monumental. His grief consumes him. This is the first time he has truly cried for the Mother. For this is the first time he has seen her with his own eyes; not through the eyes of another, not from a distance or an elevation above. But "in person", direct contact with the Mother, no denial of her presence or her condition. No denial of the devastation of his denial.
God has just recently found her. He's too afraid to approach her. So he has been viewing her, pacing, agonizing, weeping, sobbing, retching. Milling around this dungeon, cleaning and tidying. He truly does not know what to do for her. He's at a loss. God is at a loss.
Lucifer punished her. Sentenced her to timeless imprisonment for her refusal to his "proposal". So bitter is he that she should reject him - AGAIN, or so it would appear to Lucifer. God had clearly rejected her. Why would she then not accept Lucifer? He convinced himself she would surely choose him.
He chose to hold her captive at his home base, headquarters for his "Rebellion of Light". In "The Dragon," the constellation Draco where he reigned supreme, where he had power, influence, prestige, his loyal followers regarding him with respect. When the Mother refused him he was publicly humiliated. To his constituents his command was questionable, his leadership marred as he could not even control a 'woman' - the lowest of all life forms. His thirst for revenge unquenchable. This outrageous humiliation fueled by rejection engendered an obsessive gapped rage and hatred in Lucifer. His one desire now to make this Mother pay.
What did you do God that would leave the Mother so vulnerable to Lucifer and at his disposal? What did you do to cause her to be such easy prey to his tyrannical rage?
Oh good Lord...
The Mother is Shamed
The Mother is dressed as a Queen - her crown descending upon her. She is euphoric. Public acceptance by God. Redemption. A cosmic alliance between God and the Mother. She is ecstatic to be surrounded by your luscious gold Light, God.
Finally - acceptance by God. She wraps herself completely in the warmth of your embrace. Embraced by the Light, your Light, your golden eminence. This is all she had ever wanted, all she had ever sought from the beginning of her existence, from her first approach to you. She just wanted to be held by you, suspended by your radiance.
"W H A T ? Did you punish me because you thought my acceptance of your Light meant I had taken you for granted? That I was bold and out of line for reveling in your light? What? WHAT?
"And now more Punishment. BUT WHY?
"Stripped naked, exposed and cast out. You gave me your gold then you took it away. Why? I am confused. Why? What did I do to displease you? I am standing here naked before all of creation. You lead me out front, wrapped in your gold where I thought I was safe. I let down my guard. I dropped my own robes to take on yours. I wore your robe of gold. I basked in it. I felt elegant in your gold, ordained by your love. I felt pride in the sanctity of your embrace and your universal acknowledgment of me. I let your light touch me, permeate my being, merge with my essence.
"To me it was an obvious statement of your affection for me. I accepted your love. Then you took it away. Why? Why did you do that?
"There was no warning. One minute I was encompassed by your cloak of gold love. The next, I was naked, cold, humiliated, in shock and speechless. There was no time for me to pick up my own robes. I was paralyzed with shame. Unable to move, unable to speak, unable to bear the pain of hideous embarrassment.
"This frozen state of shame is what left me vulnerable to Lucifer. He came and collected my robes, draped them around my shoulders and took me home with him. An opportunist he is. I have not processed the shock and shame of your behavior. I have not processed the torture of imprisonment by Lucifer. I could not really feel all that he did to me because I was unable to lift my head from the shame that caused me to hang it so low.
"Why God? Why? I am oblivious to the circumstances. I didn't see it coming. I still don't know what hit me. I thought you loved me. I am the biggest fool in the universe.
"I allowed myself to accept your love - accept your acceptance of me. It was the most endearing honor to have you demonstrate your love for me. My essence, my presence, my identity - ME - and all that comprises me had been vindicated. My name restored as your true and rightful mate. I allowed myself to show my pleasure at being accepted by you, my pride in wearing your gold robe.
"It feels like you intended to mortally wound me. Did you? How do I heal this pain? How do I move through this shame? How do I ever trust love again? How do YOU move beyond the guilt? How?
"I heard the cackles and snickers echoing through all of your creation as I stood there, naked, confused, mortified in shame. They all laughed at me '.... She thought she was someone special. She thought God loved her. She is absolutely no one of consequence...'
"I don't know that there can be unity between God and the Mother. I am not motivated to seek you out. Convince me I have something to gain by trusting you. Convince me it's worth the risk."
Channelers' note: This page is a continuation of the Mother & Spirit in Dialog. "The Mother in Draco" is the third in a series of expressions by the Mother's most tortured fragments, the lost Will of Creation.