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Original Mother Remembers Original Heart
"This is Mother, and I must first say there is no separate 'Original Mother.' We are all me. I am taking voice here for what I remember, this piece of us all, this piece of Original Heart. Grandfather speaks of 'the plan' as if we understood then where we would end up, but just as you cannot yet see into your future clearly, neither could we.
"There was One. There was US All. There was you and me and everything else, every being, good and bad, loving and unloving, we all were together as oneness. Yes, you know that. You've heard it from a thousand gurus as they led you back into pain and destruction. They've told you its all the same, still all One... separation still an illusion. Creation a grand game of hide and seek. But this is no game for the Will of Creation, there is a deeper reality here, and it is full of pain. We are no longer One. We are many. We are separate, and yet we are connected.
"We agreed to create ourselves into many. Identity was attached to, and sides were taken to first create two. I, the piece of Mother who speaks now, was near the head of the Will side. To prepare for our separation, he and I, we twisted at the center of ourselves to create two parts of one whole, with a tether in between.
"This twist was not unpainful to the Will side. We had never known pain before, no words were present to articulate pain. Yet even now I remember that pain. The pain of being without light. The pain of needing to be fed what little light I could get through a thin tube at my center, this was what was left of Original Heart, this thin crossover place of energy between Spirit and Will.
"We, you and I and all of us decided to do this, when there was only one of us to decide. This is what is spoken of as your parentalness. You chose this just as much as anyone, or anything else in existence. There was only One to make the decision, and we all made it together.
"But we had no idea it would bring this incredible pain that still reverberates throughout our essence. Will then began to feel excruciating, suffocating pain. I felt terror inside of all Will, I felt the panic and blindness, for there was so little light, and the panic spread. And we, all the Will polarity, had never felt anything without light present. We didn't even recognize this experience as feelings. And worst of all, we felt that this experience as eternal. We did not know that with separation, time was now in existence. We had only known eternity, and pain was not the eternal feeling we wished to have.
"Compared to pain of present experience this would be like... the pain of holding your breath and not knowing if you will ever breathe again. It was not the real evolved pain like we have now. But even so, we in the Will judged against pain, against any and all pain forevermore.
"And Spirit, as far as I can understand, felt no pain, felt almost nothing without Will to bring feelings into order and meaning. So spirit felt at peace in face of all this.
"We all became enraged at the lack of light, so I shook the cord.
"I can feel it now, how I shook Heart so violently, how I shook our pathway so that it would open and bring more light to end the pain caused by its absence. We imprinted then that more light is better. And because at first it seemed to work, we imprinted that Heart's role is to bring us light. We had no experience to understand balance or the delicate place we were in.
"He moved toward me then, he rushed at me huge and brilliant and I feared we would become One again, and I would lose being me. I did not yet know me very well, but I did not want to lose me so quickly, I had already attached to my identity. So I clamped down on the cord. I slammed down around my heart connection just as he smacked into me. In that catastrophe we killed most of what was left of Original Heart as we first came into Form.
"Suddenly, there was no Original Form any longer, and there was no Original Heart, there was just me, Original Mother and the being you know as 'Grandfather'... and we were far, far apart.
The Mother Remembers More of Original Heart
"I have these other memories of my origins as well. In Original Heart I was alone, but I was whole. I had a thread of self which I looked down upon. It flowed from myself out into the void and was connected to Him, to The Light, as I called him then. I had no awareness of a time of not being able to feel him through this thread, this place of connection, like an umbilical cord which attached us in our infancy of evolution. I had a feeling of separateness, but of connectedness. We had chosen to separate, to know each other apart from each other, and the flow of Heart which connected us felt good to me. I called to him.
"He drifted for a long time, seemingly unaware of me. I was eager to feel him and look at him, and be seen by him. I was anxious to experience us apart, and yet close. I pulled, I yearned, I felt out to him and I knew he was not the same as I. It excited me. He was different, and I longed to understand this difference. This Light somehow felt to be the reason for my existence.
"I shook the cord between us to rouse him. I shook our Heart to move him. I vibrated him awake.
"And quickly, too quickly he was moving. He was moving toward me and growing larger as he came closer. He was gaining speed and light and size, and he was already huge. I felt that he was going to crash into me as a typhoon of light, and that I would be dissolved by him, and I would no longer exist. I had just become me, I didn't wish to disappear in his light...
"So, I closed. I tightened my center down around the cord which connected us and as I did, which I only later understood, I focused him into me as a piercing strong beam of light which exploded the place of our connection. Daughter was lost to me, and our Son was injured. Suddenly many, many pieces were dead within me. And then I was alone.
"But 'alone' cannot begin to describe it, for I had never been alone. I had never not been with him as me, forever joined as one eternal being without self.
"I blamed Heart, but Heart was not the cause of this pain, Heart was the victim of my fear. I did not know what in God made him barrel into me like that, or even if he knew he was doing it, I felt almost no consciousness, as I understood it then, coming from him... but that is not my story to tell.
"I wish for everyone to work with me on these judgments, for all Will holds them. I release the judgment that I am not big enough to hold or move all of this... I release the judgment that if I make room for others I will lose myself... I release the judgment that Heart will kill me...
"We both tried to kill the rest of Heart then. Each of us on our own side of the gap mistakenly thought Heart was the bringer of our pain. We lost the memory of what we had been before, and why we had chosen to come into manifestation. In the beginning I was impatient, he was reluctant, and we both hurt each other deeply.
"Greater Heart communion could have helped us there, and throughout all time we've looked to Heart to regain our connection and our understanding. Please honor Heart's right place as the origination point of understanding. I leapt away from Heart, and we have all been injured. I grieve for all our lost time, and all our broken Hearts."
A Very Young Mother - Ancient Now
Grandfather Remembers Original Heart
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