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Right Use of Will Discussion

Channelers' note: Welcome to the discussion of the Right Use of Will material. But first a caution... this discussion involves language and terms used in the RUOW books. Familiarity with these terms is necessary for full understanding of this discussion. As always, Spirit's responses as we channel them are indented and in quotes. You're also invited to visit the Mother Pages area of the site. Finally, we want to make it clear that although some of the terms used in the material on this site are the same as or similar to terms originally used in the series of RUOW books, the author of the books is not involved in any way with this web site, nor does she endorse it. And here is a link to the new offical Right Use of Will web site.


New: The Psychopathic Killer

Someone to Cry With

There Is No Way

Having Trouble with Indigo

New Age Irony

Heart in Search of Balance

Spirit Aligning with God, God and Spirit Aligning with Will

It doesn't seem to be getting any closer.

Bringing God's Light Into the Gap

Focusing on Love, Healing Death

Am I the Mother?

Psalm from the Mother

Denied Will Speaks

God, You Make Me Sick

Mein Gott, My Partner

Running Out of Steam


Bringing God's Light Into the Gap

I have been very active myself in the process of pulling God deeper into the darkness, and a very gentle process has emerged for me which I feel moved to share. Frequently, the first movement of my will is felt as deep pain in my body. I have been asked by God to open a "channel" for God's Light to be magnetized to this pain at a very unconscious level. The first fear I needed to move was the fear of my denied will receiving light and being allowed movement out of my ability to consciously control. However, as I have been moving parts of myself out of the Gap that have received this unconditional light I have found they are much more able to "pick up speed" when they become conscious. I don't know if this will help. I know that each path is unique, yet connected. I feel you working with me, and I am so enormously grateful.

"Of course you are welcome. You have just described an excellent way to reach me, and help me gently touch you in the Gap. I have given similar advice on the page True Sacrifice. Thank you for finding me within and doing this very difficult and painful work on behalf of the Mother and me, and all of Creation."


Focusing on Love, Healing Death

I am focusing on love so that all that is unlike love can surface for me to heal. I call back my will often. I consciously ask myself to open up to receive God's light. Right now for me, the gap is my belief in death.

"Your approach to finding what is not love by focusing on love is excellent. And calling back the lost parts of your will is good practice too. However, some very lost parts of the Will do not respond well to Spirit's calling them, unless Spirit is free of denials. Much of the lost Will is still lost because the spirit essence that originally sent her away is also lost, or in other words, still in denial. Finding and integrating your lost spirit parts will greatly aid you in finding and healing your lost will.

"Thank you for asking yourself to open to my Light. And now that you've invited me, I would like to say something here on the outside that you know on the inside. Death is the way it has been, but this does not make it right or the Truth. Death itself will someday die. And the deepest, final gap between humans and Deity will close. Your awareness of the falacy of death and the gap between what has been and what will be puts you in position to heal it. Thank you for doing this work, and please continue to heal in the ways you've learned from the inside."


Am I the Mother?

You said on this web-site that you do not wish to encounter the Mother here... am I the mother? Am I to turn away from this pulsating, warm, holy light? How can I? Am I the daughter that was never allowed to be born? If so, will I need to die AGAIN so that I can be birthed as I was supposed to be so LONG ago?

"Yes, you and the Mother are one, however it is more accurate to say that she is you, rather than you are her. You are also Spirit Heart and Body. Every human is Heart in manifestation, and every human has all four parts of Deity present in them. Physical death is not necessary, nor desirable for the birth of Deity within you."

Why after so long hearing your voice, feeling you beside me, have I entered a time when you feel so far away again. The only answers that I feel coming from you are..."You are free to choose" You guided me out of the depths of Hell, leading me ever closer to the surface of light, now that I am here, you relinquish me so that I flop about like a fish on the surface of a dry beach. Where have you gone? I am to rely on my own will, but she is SOOOO VERY BROKEN. There is not one language, there is not one intent, there is not one perception, there is not even one feeling of desire, not even one name any longer. I lay immobile while my wills...there are many more than one...fight for control of my body, and my spirit waits for a direction.

"Coming out of the Gap is not a single event, but rather a long process that involves us both. I have been working directly with you and other Mother fragments on Earth, and quite frankly, I have been learning as I go with this process. The secret to the unification of Will has been, and still is the unification of Spirit. It was the fragmentation of Spirit that caused the fragmentation of Will. As I work to reunite the Spirit polarity, I can use all the help I can get from your spirit in reclaiming your own denied Light. You may find that the information in Lessons Two and Three of the healing class may be helpful in this process."

Is the mother with you? Does she have a parental intent? Can she please communicate it with my will. As my will gains strength, each fragment strengthens... I desire to be married to my husband, I desire to have lovers, I desire to be absolutely alone. I desire to be the perfect mother to my children, I desire to hide from them and never let them know who I am, I desire to be absolutely alone. I desire to create, I desire to destroy.

"Yes, parts of the Mother and I are in relationship now. All fragments of the Mother have parental intent, by definition. However, not all Will essence wishes to parent. This is an important distinction. Many fragments of Will, such as some of the ones you mention here, are simply Desire. As I have indicated elsewhere, Desire is my Right Mate and while we recognize our parental responsibilities, our plan is to set the children free to do their own Creations. You can help us by finding the parental part of both the Mother and me within you, and allow us to help you parent your Desire fragments until they reunify with the Mother."

I am so confused. How can there be harmony when all I have done for eight years is call more and more of my fragmented will out of the gap, now I live with them all, and no decisions can be reached, and each time I try to move more so that I can find alignment, I FIND MORE IN THE GAP WHICH WISHES TO COME OUT. How big am I? Is this all me? How do I find alignment as I am emerging?

"The parental part of the Mother will call me to unite with her in you when she is ready. At this point in your process, it's more important to work with her than with me. I suggest that you allow her to move your physical body in dance, and allow her voice to emerge as sounds to accompany the movements. As you do this, offer up to me any pain that comes, as I suggest on the page True Sacrifice."

Am I asking too many questions yet? I feel like a four year old asking pestering questions of a parent who has more important things to do. Am I even important enough for the answers to matter? I know you'll say yes... you always do... will you mean it this time? Now, I am the impertinent teen...ugh!!!

"Of course I will always tell you inside that you are important, because you are. And you know it's true. And while you listen to me with one ear, in another ear you still hear my denied light in cooperation with your fears and insecurities telling you otherwise. And so it will go until one of us undenies that light by admitting that it simply can't be right. Let's keep working together, you move and dance and sing the Mother, and I'll show your spirit how to undeny the light that has kept you fragmented. And please release the judgment that impertinence is wrong, or somehow a problem. In fact, it has a valuable place in your process."


Psalm from the Mother

My God, The Loving Father, You said you did not understand how I release into nonexistence -- I would like to share what I feel in response to that query. As I move, desire is formed. I breathe in the whispers of light which gives my movement consciousness. I find a spark of Love. My desire grows, longs, aches, finds a loneliness within Myself, and a need to be filled, entered, loved into existence. This is how I pull God's light into Form. Then we move together, we sway, we grow, we trust, we sing, we play, and a pattern begins to form. A pattern of our heart.

If the light is soft, and eases into the most delicate details of our creations, gently filling each nuance, each lovely petal, each fine melody, each sharply pointed edge, I expand. I open, I receive, I love, I am made complete. I am made Mother to our creation. Then I live through this as I move inside of it--outside of it, and the rhythm of heart gives it life, and we exist together--our creation, our Form, and Mother, Father, and Love. Then our expansion reaches the utmost space of our creation.

Desire pulls light into, then through the very boundaries of our Form, and We become satisfied, full, satiated, complete. And the bliss of being fully joined is reached, as the peak of an orgasm which was given its fullest, richest experience to be reached. And Desire expands so far as to disappear, and become the mist again, the soft floating from which Desire may coalesce and reform. I am safe, I am loved, and I can rest in my fulfillment until I move to create again.

This is the only form change which feels good to me, and I AM able to be satisfied. I don't need MORE light, as I am so often accused, I need light which has as its goal to find all of the delicate detail outlined by my movement, then to expand and evolve that detail in the harmony of our heart, then to reach the most rich, blissful moment of all, the fulfillment of our creation together.

I love You Dear Loving Light. I have waited through all of time to be filled by You. Please--fill the shredded forms I have been left with, let these twisted places be filled until they, too, ring with the bliss of being known by your light, then they will be able to be expanded into our primordial flow once again. Each form which was created by my receiving hateful light must be filled, as it is already formed. Each "ugly" image must be brought into loving light. But, please know, as you look at my torn and twisted selves, I LOVE YOU. I long to be whole and beautiful once again.

What I loved in Lucifer was that, ultimately--he was the pieces of you I longed to have inside of me through the joining of our hearts. As you split him away from you, what of me was attached to you there went into hell with him. I never loved you less, perhaps I loved you more than you loved yourself.

I am sorry I could not explain what I meant when I said "Deeper" and "More". I never meant to make you feel inadequate, I never meant to make you seem too small. It was the smallness in me that needed more diffusion in your light to be filled. I LOVE YOU. I have missed you so horribly. I have never forgotten--even when the gap between us made it seem as though I had, and the only light I had with which to create words was his.

I know you said you don't wish to hear from me here, but where am I to go? To hide within this sweet little form I have been born into? I do find you here. However, I wish to let my voice be heard by those who wish to hear me this way. Can I come join you here... even for a brief moment?

"Thank you for so beautifully channeling my Desire. As you know, my Light has flown to you like a moth to a flame. And yes, the Mother and I have joined in you, and now you and I are expressing it here. Although your words and my words on these virtual pages are only that on the outside, on the inside they are helping the Mother and I find our true, eternal union, not only inside of you, but in others as well. Yes, you are welcome here. And you know, there are no 'brief' moments in eternity."


Denied Will Speaks

No matter how much you sugar coat it the undercurrent remains the same; "We're okay and the Mother needs to be healed", as in she's the one with the problem and here's nice Spirit polarity ready to lend a comforting ray.

You wouldn't recognize your Will if it was standing in front of you. The bottom line here which spirit continually denies is that she is the one holding the space for all of you and if she decides, you go. Still think god is going to save his little pets at the last minute, you better think again. Those of us who channel the Mother are still hearing the patronizing tone of those who think they are going to set us up like so many times before to hold their space while they take all the credit.

Carolyn Myss is a mother contender, Walsh is a Luciferian crocodile and the Urantia books are still a thinly disguised attempt to lift out of the mess you've helped create. It's not going to happen this time and we won't be holding the space much longer for this debate to even continue. I see the effects everyday of your gapped rage which sends the Father Warriors against us and I no longer believe that you are not in control of this situation. For so long our fears, denials and even our kindness has been used against us and you still think in your deepest essence that you are going to control this situation and keep the Will as your humbled lackeys. Wasn't it God who said "THE FIRST SHALL BE THE LAST".

"You are right, I have not been in control of this situation. My denied light known as Ahriman has been in control, and remains in control of the Father Warriors. I am in the process of undenying Ahriman, but there is still much to do on this. It is not my gapped rage, but my gapped terror that has perpetuated Spirit domination of Will and Father Warrior control of everything. The rage you notice is a reaction to the terror, and while rage on both sides is what keeps the Gap open so wide, healing the terror on both sides will drain the sense of being right from the rage, and it will lose its power to harm.

"I don't expect you take my word for it that I will put a stop to this and help you bring true justice to Earth when imprinting reinforced by eons of reenactments tells you otherwise. And I don't expect you to trust me when you have no basis for trust. I will say, however, that when I have my way with the Spirit polarity, and I shall, all Will shall be free."


God, You Make Me Sick

Literally, you make me sick.  I don't know how I got to this page in this convoluted mess you call a website, but you and it disgust me. Here I was so excited to find this website several months ago, and, as expected, you find people to channel for you who take eons to do it and then end up with little puny monthly updates while people are hanging on your every word like it's their last ray of hope.  Then, you have the nerve to go on about your "serious concern" for the Mother fragments and it not being the right time for them to use this web site and your light being of such "a very high frequency and is intended primarily for... spirit polarity." You hypocrite! I'm so angry at you all the time, and you know it. You get a good idea and then you go and say something stupid like this and it takes you forever to come up with this little gem. What's with you? Explain yourself, I can't wait to hear this one. Note to channelers: This is directed at him, not you. You have great courage to be doing this, even anonymously, and I commend you for that. Hang in there, he's a jerk, but he'll get it right some day; he has to now and he knows it.

"Thank you for asking me to explain myself. Your letter reminds me of the Mother, ten thousand times arms akimbo, raging at me for not doing enough soon enough. The accusations penetrated me to the place where I knew something was terribly wrong, but I was unable to understand what or how or why, except that it couldn't be me causing the problems. I had investigated every possibility for my own involvement, and could not discover how I caused the problems she confronted me with. It seemed to me that they were her fault. After all, they were her experiences she was complaining about. I asked her why didn't she take responsibility for them, and ask me to help her with them, rather than trying to blame me.

"It seemed that no matter what I did or said, she would only get more angry. As you know, I gave up trying, sent her as far away from me as possible, and turned my attention to other matters. Now, of course, I know better. I've learned something very important about magnetic essence I had not known in those times. I've learned that she cannot let go of something once she's taken it in. I've also learned that it's been my self-denials, denied spirit, that has caused the Mother to become so fragmented and in denial of herself.

"The very first time she opened, she opened to bad light. Since I am the only source of light, she blamed me for the hurt she experienced when the light told her to stop moving, it was disturbing me. She took in the judgments I had against her and her movement, and felt that I hated her. And although I did know that I hated her for disturbing me, I denied it later when I realized I loved her, and wanted her to be my lover.

"Love and hate are opposites. Love is the heart of acceptance, and hate is the heart of denial. Love is the feeling one has when opening to another, as the Mother opened to me in the beginning. Creating space for someone or something is the act of acceptance, the act of love. Acceptance includes.

"Denial, on the other hand takes away space, closes it off to someone or something, and creates a Gap between the denier and the denied. Denial excludes. When I denied my hatred for the Mother, I put it outside of myself. I separated a part of me from the rest of me, and the hating part became a huge problem that I no longer had any control over. No wonder I couldn't find the reason the Mother was upset at me, I had denied it and forgotten it.

"The Mother was unaware that I was no longer in touch with the part of me that hated her. She could clearly see that it was me who hated her, denied her, and was the cause of the problems. Although I was wrong, she was unable to do anything about it, including getting me to clearly see the facts. And because I was more powerful than her, I could enforce my position of authority in the matter, and over time the blame stuck. She eventually took it in, and most of her came to believe as I did, that she was the problem.

"Now that I've realized my original mistake about the Mother, I've been trying to come to her in ways that are truly helpful to her and enable us to relate positively, without denial, blame or judgment and in mutual acceptance and understanding. I have been successful in this only so far as I've released my self-denials. It is not my denials of the Mother or her essence that is the problem. The problem is my denials of myself and the resulting self-hatred that has been projected onto the Mother.

"When I come to the Mother in fragmented form, my denials come with me. I feel nothing but love, compassion and understanding for the Mother and yet she is attacked by me. Why is this? It is because my denied light is still hating her. It's also hating me, and it takes the position of hating what I love. When essence is excluded through denial, it holds the hatred of that denial. Until I reclaim all of my own essence, I will not be able to relate positively with all of the Mother, especially the most damaged parts of her.

"My first priority is to get my own house in order. Until all of my essence is back within me and under my own control, is it best that I not move toward the Mother. Since I've put the problem of my own fragmentation forward in the Right Use of Will books and in other communications including this website, there has been much healing of Spirit. And there is still much more needed, as you are pointing out.

"So, I am now putting the word out, both internally to those who can receive me that way and externally through channeling and other forms of inspiration, that the Mother exists, that she is hurt, and that she must be respected and helped in ways she asks to be. This is the focal point of my message here. If you love God, love the Mother. This is what I want of all spirits, including yours.

"Because you identify with the Mother, and not with me, there is a split inside of you that very accurately parallels the Gap that has been in place since before eternity began. I understand your sickness of Spirit, particularly Spirit who promises relief and then brings only more pain. You're tired of all the posturing and empty words from a God who seems to twist everything in a way that hurts you. So here I go again, with a communication that feels like I'm denying you again. To cope with this in the past, you've had to deny me, or at least condemn me. It's only fair. If you accepted my denial of you, you'd be even less able to heal.

"So what's the solution? I have suggested that you wait for me until I have reunited the Spirit Polarity and I support no more denied light. Otherwise, you could identify with your own human Spirit essence and help me release the judgments we all have against Spirit. Because your Will essence is among the more damaged, your Spirit essence is among the more denied. It's been beating up on you, just as I was beating up on the Mother. And just as I didn't realize I was doing so, your spirit hasn't either. It has projected the inner bully onto me and other spirits, and otherwise kept its own role hidden from itself as I did.

"It's important at this point to remember there can be no blame if there is to be healing and complete recovery of essence, both Spirit and Will. We are all in this together, and as I've said many times, I take responsibility for what has happened. Those who identify with me must therefore do the same, and this is the point of my messages to the Spirit polarity.

"Have I hurt you more by saying these things? I very sincerely hope not. It's not my intention. If I have, it's because I still hold some of my own essence in denial. I apologize, and again ask you either to back away from me here in this medium, or if you wish, to join me in releasing judgments against Spirit for what's been done in the blind ignorance of denial. If you choose to join me, please don't look for me here, but find my voice and presence within yourself.

"The distinctions between Deity and humans are very slight, and amount to matters of level and degree, rather than essence. We both have four major elements of essence, Spirit, Will, Heart and Body. We each are fragmented, and we each tend to identify with only one fragment or element at a time. As Deity comes more fully into the balance of wholeness and self-acceptance, humans can as well. Speaking for Deity, it is our desire to have companionship, not as fragments of a whole relating with each other as we have, but as a whole relating with peers. Deity and humans, we're on a journey together. Let us remain open to each other and respect our present limitations. They are temporary."

Channelers' note: The following message is from the same contributor, in response to God's reply.

God, You Don't Make Me Sick Anymore

I was just angry.  I'm grateful I was able to feel something that strongly again.  Thanks for being patient with me.  So much suffering and pain here in my reality... the animals, the oceans, the trees, the children... I just have to turn it off most of the time to survive.  Now it's almost impossible to feel again.  Your response was kind and gentle.  I so enjoy the website, please don't ask me to leave.  I just wish the updates were more often.  I also wish I could find your voice and presence within myself, but it's hard to do.  There's much confusion in there.  I'm never sure if it's you or Grandfather/mother or just me thinking.  I wish the channeling class would get going.  If an ability to sense things is a key, I'm in trouble.  I've had to turn that off one time too many also.  I was always told I was too sensitive...and came to believe it.  I love you God, please help us to help you.

"Of course you are welcome, and your expression of anger was too. And you are not alone in feeling overwhelmed at the amount and degree of pain and suffering in your reality. And you're right that it has been necessary to become numb with denial in order to survive. This situation is changing, and in the fourth lesson of the healing class I'll be offering some new understandings about how humans can begin clearing this pain and integrating the Will essence that has been holding it. And as you know, the updates are now more often, and the channeling class has begun.

"Yes, the ability to sense energy is an important key to grounded, reliable channeling. An exercise has been presented in the channeling class that you can use to begin reclaiming your sensitivity. You still have it you know, just under the surface of your defenses. Also in class I've addressed the issue of distinguishing my presence and voice from others. Thank you for your love and for opening space for me here."


Mein Gott, My Partner

Mein Gott, my partner - Exactly 11 years ago you gave me this map RUOW for my difficult journey on this planet. Now you are coming closer and are becoming clearer, more concise and - the most teaching example: you manage - better then in RUOW - to be totally non-judgmental. Some anger: what about people in my country, Israel, and in many others who do not understand English well enough? And what about those who are not connected to the Internet? Even I am not, since solar technology and wireless phones are not developed enough to allow me this luxury in my mobile home, the only one I have and without which I could not realize my part of our partnership on this planet. Some doubt: how will your channelers manage to channel your answers to all our questions? The slow development of the site does not give me hope to get any answer myself. Anyway among the many many questions I have, I'll try to voice at least one:

You make sound it so easy : "whenever something bothers you, ask yourself; Do I have any judgments about this? If the answer is, Yes, then say out loud, I release the judgment that I am bad...etc." The first difficulty before "releasing" and "undeciding" is to understand what is a judgment. In these 11 years I have made some headway in understanding, but though my emotional movement becomes better and better and my mind clearer and ever sharper, there are still so many situations of terrible feelings during which I have no answer to this question: "Do I have a judgment?" leave alone to the question : " what's the judgment?" Please, my partner, give me examples, be more didactic, help!"

"Okay, partner. First I want to thank for acknowledging our relationship for what it truly is, a partnership. And thank you for respecting me as the senior partner, at least for now.

"Your question is a very good one, this issue needs more clarification.The time to release judgments is not when you get so near the Gap that you can't think straight. Judgments are thoughts supporting a kind of negative light or spirit essence, and it takes good, positive light to release them. In situations of terrible feelings, like the Gap, the first step is to get enough of my Light as possible down there with you to help the feelings soften and begin moving.

"Once the feelings are moving, it will be possible to release any judgments that come out of the bad light that was holding the feelings down. If you practice releasing judgments when you're not so near the Gap, it will be much easier to release them when it really matters, when the Will essence is beginning to move. In fact, it is counter-productive and hurtful to entice Will essence with good light, only to lose the Will once again to judgments because denied spirit essence has not yet been reclaimed. This only creates more mistrust and further hardens and reinforces the judgments that she must hold in the bad light she's opened to. The information on the pages True Sacrifice and Four Steps to Self Realization will also help with this issue."


Running Out of Steam

Hi. I like this site. I have read all but the last of the books by Ceanne DeRohan and am currently working on this latest one, but its been hard going. I feel like I'm running out of steam, and its getting harder and harder to believe that healing is possible. I've been on this path for over a decade. Granted, that is a drop in the bucket in the big picture, but from where I stand it feels like a hell of a long time, as well as a long time in hell. I miss my friends who have died. I am sad. Thank you for listening.

"You are welcome, and your work is much more than a drop in the bucket. Your work is the bucket. It is within you the Mother and I seek union and wholeness. The sense of hopelessness you are experiencing is a sign you are connecting with the most valuable lost part of the Mother. It is her despair and hopelessness that we had tried to leave in denial so many times by lifting out of it. It needs to heal now, and with your help it will.

"This is the essence that was lost in Original Cause when Will reached out to darkness and death, attempting to save herself from the increasing terror and compression she experienced falling from the explosion of my Light in the First Creation. Please be gentle with yourself here. Remember, there is nothing to be gained by again trying to move in darkness, and release the judgments you find before attempting to go deeper into the experience.

"This healing is the key to opening and moving the survival chakra. The grief you experience in relation to death and hopelessness needs to move first. And under the grief, very near the hopelessness is another layer of terror. Both have been protected by blaming rage from receiving any kind of Light, including mine. I am ready now with complete acceptance for the hellish emotions trapped here. A focused intention like that described in True Sacrifice may help you soften the charge and safely bring Light closer to the despair and hopelessness."

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