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Mother and Spirit in Dialogue, Page II The Mother Responds to God's Apology
Lost Will in Sanctuary House of Pain
Lost Will in Sanctuary
"This is the Mother. Spirit, I have so much to tell you. I will share in bits and pieces so we can both process. But be advised ... I will not hold back. I can take responsibility for my emotions, own my behavior, and not project. But I need to describe how I feel. I need you to know how I feel. I need you to feel how I feel. We have not had conversation about this - or like this - before. I have much to share.
"It's a strange awareness, to realize we haven't conversed in a very very very long time. It feels foreign. To some extent I am shy, withdrawn and skeptical. I don't trust you. I'm waiting for the backlash, the repercussions for voicing myself to you. At this moment I am ducking. AaahHa! This has happened in the past hasn't it? I sense I have approached you since the original "slap". I sense you have punished me further for having the audacity to engage you in debate.
"This is truth isn't it? I sense each time my essence was obliterated and scattered, ejected out to the ends of the universe. Traveling at high velocity from the force of your backhand, my fragments hit the wall, dropped down to settle, shake it off and regroup; recovering from the repercussions of your disdain. Good Lord ... what have you done? What have you done indeed? I sense I have approached you many times. Although at present I have no recall. But I know when I know. The Mother is intuitive.
"Thank you for your honesty. I honor the courage you have demonstrated here with such frank, open conversation. I will engage dialogue with you because you appear to be taking ownership of your past behaviors. And that is the first stop on the road to reconciliation, if that is indeed where we are going. The jury is still out.
"Thank you for drawing to my conscious awareness the multiple fragmentation that exists elsewhere in the universe. I am aware of my earthly fragmentation but was unaware of multidimensional fragmentation. I discovered myself on another 'star system' some time ago. I was curious but felt no need to retrieve this part as she felt like memory as opposed to fragmentation. I realize now, however, that she is indeed a fragment. In fact, she is a dissociated fragment. She is 'living' in sanctuary.
"Obviously in sanctuary from YOU. She has found a safe place which she believes is inaccessible to you. She believes you are not informed of her whereabouts, therefore you will not come for her, therefore she is safe, therefore she will remain. I realize you sent your Galactic Scout who found her there, so I wonder if you are indeed informed of her location? She didn't recognize him so she still believes she is sheltered from your view. I will not tell her differently until it is safe to do so. She has what she believes to be "a life". She is a healer.
"She is quiet and humble and wise. Many seek her out at the temple where she practices. There is a radiant peace about her that draws others near. She goes about her routines. But she is empty. She doesn't wish to acknowledge this emptiness because it will surface the reason behind her loneliness - her exile. She is a shell, vacant and hollow. She does not desire to understand why for she doesn't desire to remember the pain. I will work with her because she obviously needs to come home for the good of my healing. I will do this for me. But I will not do it for you.
"I discovered a second "cosmic fragment". I have been unaware of her existence until now. I suspect there are several more. I found her encased in a tomb of lead, suspended in the cosmos. She sealed herself in a vault, the door 8 feet thick. She concealed the vault in the cosmos so its' definition bleeds into space. One of the stars is actually the handle but this vault in its' entirety is hidden from all of creation. No one can find her as it is not possible to see her. This was the measure necessary to negotiate safety - self preservation. She is the fragment who has suffered attack from all your denied Light, the ramifications of your denied Light and from you. She is fragile and delicate. She has locked herself away for all eternity. It was all she could do to stay safe.
"But you have found her haven't you? You have perched yourself outside her door, waiting to be given the combination. You have knocked and this time she has answered. Her vault is dry and dusty. Pitch black and full of cobwebs. She has opened the door to you God. Give her credit. She sees you on the outside. But your light is so bright it blinds her. She has not seen your light, or ANY light for that matter, in a very long time. She cannot withstand the intensity of your Light. She has cracked the door and she sees you there, peering in. She will not open it any further just yet. She needs to adjust. It appears that you have been calling for her. And she has heard you.
"She is also fearful that as she opens this door to you she may open it to your denied Light as well. That is dangerous to her. But she does not sense the presence of denied Light so she will leave it cracked open. She is hypervigilant and on guard just the same. "God forbid" should you let anyone else in. Hmmm, it is also apparent that you have unintentionally let your denied Light in as she opened to you in the past. "It" got in because you were in denial of it. I suspect this accounts for the other fragmentation?
"It is our hope that this will not happen again. She is vulnerable to your denied Light. She is brave. Do you have any idea how brave this young woman is to open the door to you at all? Honor her. Feel her courage. Feel her pain. Tread lightly. Stay where you are. DO NOT approach the Mother. She is not ready for you. She will be the one to open the door when you have demonstrated your intent. She will watch your interactions with the other Mother fragments and act accordingly.
"Do not make a mistake, God. If you "slap" her again, surely there will be no reconciliation. Perhaps she is the last of the fragmentation? The fragment holding memory of ALL the backlash exerted by you. She can take no more. Do you understand? If you hurt her again - surely she will die. For now, she is content to sit and stare at you. Don't move. Just be still. Don't speak. Just be silent. Just... be.
"I'm still processing your apology and request to "visit" me. I will respond when I am able to manage these tumultuous emotions. I cannot feel my feelings for you as yet. I am still too afraid. For now I remain respectfully, the Mother."
House of Pain
"This is the Mother. Spirit, I gave you the master key and have granted you access to my house of pain. I did not intend this. It just 'happened'. I am watching you however, from the security camera mounted high in the corner. I can see your every move. I am wary, but obviously willing to afford you an opportunity. An opportunity for redemption. After your journey here... through my house of pain... THEN we will talk. Do you understand?
"This is a corridor. Elegant carpets, tapestries, colors, ornate decorative moldings. But heavy doors. Steel doors. Bland paint chipping and peeling, in need of maintenance. Heavy round doorknobs, no pretty accessories here. There are many doors on either side of the hallway.
"You have the master key and can enter any door you wish, at your leisure, at your discretion, at your convenience. You can stay in each room as long as you like, do what you like. I have relinquished control to you. This is not a mistake. But I am nervous just the same, racked with anxious anticipation of your reaction to my gift.
"Are you even aware this is a gift? For indeed it is. I have asked your surrogate scout to walk these floors in your place for I do not trust you directly as yet. I am hesitant and not willing to let you in. But you can experience through him, my house of pain.
"It has just entered my awareness what each room contains. These are the access points, the portals of entrance to all of the varied fragments of the Mother. The fragments created from your vicious backlashes. In one room is the 'Sanctuary Healer'. In another, the 'Woman of the Cosmic Tomb'. I knew there were many. I have not unlocked the memories of the others. There is much trauma here and there are parts unwilling to move. What goes around comes around and here comes your 'slap'!
"In my house of pain you will feel every blow you ever delivered to the Mother. You know it must be this way. There is no other. The Mother has demonstrated unequivocal courage in opening her door to you. Can you demonstrate the same by accepting my invitation to enter my house of pain? Are you as strong as the Mother? Can you in fact withstand the pain you asked me to endure in the course of your 'adolescent years'?
"Here are the ground rules ... there are no exceptions and certainly no negotiations. You will conduct yourself accordingly. When the Mother is ready to open each door you will enter and sit face to face with the fragment you created. You will not speak. You will only listen. You will listen to her story. She must speak to be removed from victimhood. You must listen to validate her pain. She will speak until she has nothing more to say. And you will listen until she tells you she is finished.
"Then each fragment will open her heart to you. You will step inside her heart and she will hold you there, captive audience while you relive her drama. You will experience the Mother's experience from the Mother's perspective. THEN you can say you know the Mother. You will integrate the pain of her existence into your being. Welcome to the Mother's emotional reality. Will you survive what you asked her to survive? When all fragmentation of the Mother has spoken, then we will consider your response.
"Do I have your compliance? If you want reconciliation with the Mother, as you say you do, then here are my terms. Do you accept?"
Next~ Dialogue, Page III: God's Response to the Mother's Invitation
Dialogue Page I: God and the Mother's Aguish
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