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Reflections from the Will

Greetings - I am finding all four parts in me and seeking the balance that feels so far away. The feeling of Will/Body alignment followed shaking wracking pulsing pain moving up through my feet and intensely felt in the lower chakras. This alignment was followed by a period of despair over not being able to feel heart and not having a Spirit/Will alignment that would come easy. Spirit likes to rule. Will likes to play yin/yang and move. So I had the despair over not feeling heart presence. Heart presence appears though in episodes of not knowing what I feel.

"Yes, and the rule of Spirit has done damage to and diminished Heart, and it is time the rules change. I no longer wish to relate with Will as I had, from the position of ruler, and this is the essence of the healing work for Spirit in relation to Will. New Heart can never be born if Spirit is not responsive to Will, rather than the other way around, as I had tried to make it work."

Your page feels intimidating to me where you say the damaged Will pieces cannot handle your light. I think if they are willing to deal with their nausea over your arrogance they can handle it and do you some grounding good in the process.

"Thank you for this reflection. Most who have related with me in the past have experienced the effects of the superiority imprint that has plagued the Spirit polarity, and of course this has often been felt to be intimidating. I had used my superior position to enforce my rule because, of course, I believed I was right. I no longer believe that.

"Partly in an attempt to balance the damage caused by Spirit's rule, I had recently taken a protective role relative to the Mother's deepest pain, and one manifestation of that has been a caution to her that my light here on this web site may be irritating. That caution was made more than a year ago in your terms, and since then the Mother and I have moved closer to each other and have created much New Heart.

"Until now, however, I had been unaware that my expression of that caution was feeling like arrogance on your side. On that page, which is now removed, I had said:

'I wish to say something to those humans who are holding the more damaged parts my Desire, the Mother of Creation. There is still a Gap here between us. Please understand that there is not yet enough Heart with us in Creation, and especially in this electronic medium, for complete acceptance and trust.

'I am moving toward Heart as quickly as I am able and with all the resources of Spirit I can muster to close this Gap. I take responsibility for it being here in the first place, and for all the damage and pain this has caused you, Body and Heart and the rest of Creation.

'You, the Mother of Creation are my Desire, and our reunion is my quest. Yet I must ask you to please back away from me here for a little while, if you find my Light irritating. My expression here can still trigger memories of the ten thousand times our Heart has been broken, burned and torn apart, and the millions of my promises to you that have turned out to be only treachery and betrayal.

'I have set out to change everything that has been before, and to offer you the kind of Light and devotion that will enable us to heal ourselves and Body, and for the first time ever, manifest Real Heart. I still have more healing to do in myself before I can again come directly to your most damaged parts.'

"I want to emphasize that I when I spoke of my Light being irritating here, I was referring to this medium as a carrier of my expression which has been primarily intended for the spirit polarity, and that expression itself which is often too staccato and telegraphic for comfortable expression to many parts of the Will. I was not speaking of my Light as you experience it coming directly to you from me, which feels very different."

"Computers and digital technology in general are very spirit polarized. The internet as a medium of expression is even more so because the level of virtuality is so very high relative to the level of the realities it tries to convey. This is why I suggested that printing these pages and reading the words on paper may help in reducing the irritating quality I mentioned. Spirit has been irritating enough to Will already without adding an additional level of discomfort.

"Another factor that prompted my caution is that when I feel into the Mother's pain, I get a strong urge to protect her from further reenactments of the traumas of the Gap. I wish to protect her from me as I was, and yet I want her to find me as I am without any denials of my own Light, and that condition is not yet present in me.

"She and I are moving still closer on many levels, and because we are again drawing very near to each other, my terror of reversals has been triggered. I know that a serious reversal now could be too much for either of us to recover from, and I feel the need to do whatever I can here on my side of the Gap to avoid that. You may have been feeling my unexpressed fear in those words of caution, so I'll say it now plainly that I am afraid of another devastating reversal in our healing work.

"Although I wish not to be arrogant, I feel that in relation to the Mother's most damaged parts, the responsibility to be cautious near the Gap and protective of both the Mother and myself is primarily mine. And my primary concern here is to cause no more harm.

"Because in previous attempts at healing I have enticed the Mother to relate with me before I was free of denials, I am very wary of doing this again now. In the past whenever we had gotten this close, and have seen each other on the other side of the Gap, there has been a strong urge to jump across it and put an immediate end to all the suffering in Creation. And of course, each time that happened, it happened with essence still in denial, and there was a devastating reversal.

"Because we are here again at the edge of the Gap, I wish to be cautious and protective, and this has been my motivation in warning the Mother away from me here in outer 'form' and particularly in this medium. I feel that until I am free of denials my Light here is still dangerous to her most damaged, lost and outcast parts.

"As I have said, Spirit and Mother essence can find union only in your heart, and I can not come to you directly through these web pages or other forms of outer communication. These outer manifestations can be very helpful as representations of my Light, and can be useful to help distinguish my Light from other spirit essence seeking contact within you."

This manner of expression does not mean that I do not love or appreciate your work. I wrote you before just after I heard directly for the first time from God and that God, in my sense of the word, was all four parts with Spirit's loving intention and voice.

"Thank you. And yes, 'God' has been a difficult word. Because most spirits have it that God is male, and because this is what I have been called all along, I continue to use that term for myself. Perhaps when I have no more denials of my Light 'God' will be an unnecessary moniker because Spirit will be one. For now I'm using the term 'God' to mean the central, parental part of Spirit and the term 'Deity' to include all four parts, the totality of the Mother and myself in union as Heart and manifesting as Body. I look forward to the reality of a completely unified 'Deity' that would be universally known as 'God'."

Wherever you get off telling the Will polarity that your light is too bright, get off it. Since my own inner will/body alignment I am remembering ronaloka lifetimes and recognizing my kinship and knowing that I always have. The heart part remembers native american plains indian lifetimes and even marriage and death but has not remembered sacrifice lifetimes. Perhaps fear would rather not feel them again.

"I have asked that the page you mentioned be removed and that a link to this page be made available on both the introduction page and the guide page of the Mother expression section. As I have mentioned in the introduction, the time is now here for more connectedness between the Mother and me in outer expression. Our true communion, of course, can only happen within you.

"As I said before, I don't expect the Mother's most damaged parts to trust me yet. Only when I have become fully congruent, with no more denials of Spirit, can I be helpful to her in the pain of her suffocation, hopelessness and despair. And only then can she and I hope to experience Real Heart, the true medicine of healing. When I am fully whole as Spirit, I will come to the Mother in you directly, and not through words on a web site or in books."

Will your website be moving into the area of finding the four parts within? This is the responsibility I feel the red book asks us to assume and to get on with it. The other awareness that is present with me now is that the imprints governing predatory behavior are not natural and are not original and are not necessary.

"Yes, in fact the next lesson of the healing class will focus on finding and working with the four parts within, and finding the balance that precedes the healing of all four parts. Your question touches on some serious issues in the healing work because of a misunderstanding some have about the role of humans in the healing between Will and Spirit. I would like to take the opportunity of your question to say some more about this.

"This work can only be accomplished in humans who are willing and able to embody all four parts of Deity. However, it is important to work with others who also have the intention of healing into wholeness. The only difficulty here is that gaps and reenactments of our early traumas are created when two people try to heal together with each representing just one part of Deity. Reenactments are caused when the spirit essence of the person representing the Mother is projected onto the one representing Spirit, or the Will essence of the person representing Spirit is projected on to the one representing Will.

"There is a lot more to this work at the human level than most have yet understood, and many people working very hard at healing haven't yet realized that neither the Mother nor I are going to come to them from the outside in the form of a web site, books, or another person. Those who believed so would be projecting part of themselves out onto the written words or the other person. Projection at the level of parts of Deity can create the kind of gap that allows asuras, the spirits of denial, death and destruction, their easiest access to humans. The energy that comes from the depths of this kind of gap seeks to kill Heart, and of course causes reversals in the healing work.

"In order for one to project essence onto another, it must be denied in the one where it belongs. That denial opens a gap, even if the denial is conscious and just for the convenience of the healing drama. Whenever a gap is opened, there is an opportunity for asuras to enter the relating, as they did originally when the Mother and I first began to realize the existence of each other.

"The results in present time with humans are then quite similar to the results we had originally, and there is a new reenactment of the original trauma. Healing happens in the closing of gaps, not in their opening.

"There is however, an important healing opportunity when asuric energy is present. The asuras are spirit essence, also known as denial spirits, that have captured fragments of lost Will in order to hold themselves in existence. These fragments are among the most tortured and damaged parts of the Will, and many have been cut off from both the Mother and me since before the original explosion that fragmented the rest of the Will.

"Will fragments who have had to identify with the asuras because the only light they've known has been the light of their captors' hate and denial have been very heavily judged against by just about everyone. And they've been the most lost of the lost Will. The healing of Creation depends on our abilities to discern the difference between the innocent Will fragments who unknowingly opened to the dark light of the asuras, and the asuras themselves. A judgment that would be good to release here is that you are bad because you have held open space for hatred and denial, or that another person is bad because they have done that. The next step would be to send the asura to me and reclaim the lost Will for the Mother in you.

"There will be much more on this subject and on finding and balancing the four parts later in the healing class, but this can serve as an introduction to these issues. Thank you for asking. And yes, I agree predatory behavior is neither natural nor necessary. Part Five of Lesson Three of the Healing Class begins a discussion of how this behavior got started and how we can heal it."

Do not patronize the Will people and decide for them what they can handle even though you do this with loving intent. Open yourself and let things move.

"Thank you for recognizing that my intent is positive. I would call it 'healing intent' rather than 'loving intent' because in the past I've had many denials of my own Light, and much hate, violence, terror and rage has hidden under a veneer of 'love'. The priority of 'healing' helps me sort through those denials, and I'm grateful that you have pointed out yet another.

"It is a good lesson to know that you have felt intimidated and patronized by what I intended as protectiveness. And I feel that our exchange here has acknowledged healing work on both sides of the Gap, and that our prospects for more healing are very good. It is my wish that we proceed from these 'outer' experiences of relating to more experiences on the inside that are based on the deepest appreciation and respect for each other.

"And how could I resist a suggestion to open myself and let things move? Even though there is anger in your expression, there is very clear concern for true healing, and that Spirit be more responsive to Will. That is my concern as well, and our alignment here bodes well for Heart. Thank you again for these reflections from the Will."


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