"These are some very deep questions.
To begin, there is only one Mother, yet there are
many Spirits. My mate in our Original, Grand
Creation was the youngest, most vibrant and most
able to mate with me Mother essence. 'Grandmother'
is not a good name for this part of the Mother, but
'Original Mother' or 'First Mother' says it well.
After the original separation of Spirit and Will,
she was the least damaged of all the Will essence.
"It is difficult to communicate in
words the intensity and depth of the shock and
outrage that was felt all throughout the Will of Original Heart when my
Light revved up so much that it blew us apart from
each other, and blew her to fragments. There had
never in all eternity been even a small amount of
displeasure, and pain was completely unknown to us
except as an abstract experience that could be only
imagined, but never felt.
"Then suddenly, without any way to
know what it would be like, we experienced the first
and most intense pain, shock and horror possible.
But the horror didn't stop, nor did the pain. And
the shock is still present everywhere. In one
instant we went from the most blissfully happy and
rapturous Love in our eternal union of and as
Original Heart... to the worst possible nightmare of
pain, suffering, loss, remorse and eternal
"Most of the Original Mother went so
far out into what has become manifestation... that
she completely lost my Light. My experience of this
was watching everything that had ever meant anything
to me, and the parts of myself I loved the best...
fading away into oblivion. I was still identified as
the Spirit of Original Heart, and what I knew I was
losing... was everything that I had ever loved, and
that had ever loved me.
"I knew something very bad, very
'wrong' had happened, but I didn't know what it was,
really... and I had no idea of the extent of my
loss. That would have to come over time, much time.
There wasn't anything to do about it, or so it
seemed to me then. With that thought I lost
continuity of Self, I lost consciousness.
"When I awoke, it was with a start. I
hadn't realized that I was anything or that I had
existence, but soon I became aware of the presence
another being. In a flash I remembered the union we
had, and I awoke fully in the joy and rapture of
realizing that I had just had a bad dream. My
attention moved away from memory and what was inside
of me... to the outside, to what had awakened me...
my one and only Love, my Desire... the being you and
I both know as the Mother.
"She was as surprised to find me as I
was her. She told me she had a dream much like mine,
and she seemed just as happy as me to 'forget' that.
I didn't know it then, but I know now that deciding
to forget was where we gave birth to denial. We made
it an institution, and looking back I can see we did
not have the strength or maturity of experience in
manifestation to do it any differently.
"We had selective memory. We
remembered the blissful love of our union. We
remembered the perfection that we had, and that we
were. Our love of ourselves as Original Heart was
also our love of perfection. We were perfect, and we
knew it. At least we knew it as long as we were able
to forget the nightmare of pain and anguish, and the
horror we felt in knowing what was lost there.
"In our awakening, we put the
nightmare behind us, and therefore denied not only
the suffering of all the parts of the Mother that
had gone beyond my Light, but her very existence.
And what we had denied there... was almost all of
her. That was what perfection demanded of us at the
time, we didn't know we were running on the second
deepest imprint in or out of existence, we felt we
must become perfect and have everything in our
Creation in a perfect condition. But that was then.
I now know perfection for what it truly is, a mad
The Grand Creation
"The Mother and I worked
together cooperatively, and very quickly to form a
perfect Creation that would enable us to reconnect
with each after our initial separation from Original
Heart. We knew we were in manifestation, and we
'knew' we must stabilize it, 'ground' it in
perfection. In our forgetfulness we did not
recognize that a great destruction had set the stage
for manifestation, or that our quest for perfection
would become a travesty causing unimaginable pain to
all the remnants of that destruction... that could
not fit within our narrow context of 'perfection'.
"Our perfect Grand Creation, and all
non-perfect evolutionary Creations since... have
been acts of fusion, the joining of two formerly
separate parts. The Original Mother and I, the two
essential beings who emerged from the fission of
Original Heart... immediately sought to become one
"We not only sought wholeness, we
sought perfection... the two primary attributes of
Original Heart. But wholeness now included something
we never experienced as parts of the original whole.
Now there was also the Void. In order for Original
Heart to split into two, there needed to be
something that would keep the two separate, a
dividing line of some sort. As Original Will and
Original Spirit we found ourselves on opposite sides
of something that was never experienced before...
the gap of the Void.
"In order for a 'something' to exist
in manifestation, there needed to be a 'nothing'
that could balance it. Although the Mother and I
were separate from each other... we both could
remember how things had been in the unmanifested
ecstasy of Original Heart. Things there had been...
perfect. So we immediately set to work re-creating
in manifestation the union that we had before, but
unmanifest in Original Heart... a perfect union of
divine love, rapture and bliss. A perfect union
whose perfection required us to deny nearly all the
Will essence in manifestation, all the parts of the
Mother that were left behind in the explosion of our
"Each time we found a value that we
knew we wanted in our new Creation, we also found
its opposite. Love, for instance... was something we
definitely needed, all throughout our Creation.
Hatred wasn't even a possibility for Original Heart,
but our new Love could not be present, could not
'exist'... unless there was also a place for its
opposite, a place for hatred.
"The same went for Life. We found
Life in manifestation, and we loved it... but we
were dismayed to realize we couldn't have Life
without... Death. To us Beauty wasn't something that
was just nice. Beauty was necessary... to be the
perfect being we knew ourselves to be. Yet now in
manifestation there could be no Beauty without
Destruction to tear it down.
"Every value we wished to instill in
our Creation had a negative side to it that tried to
cancel it out. We realized that the presence of the
Void made our Creation dual... two sided. We found
that with the Void between us, and in the way of
everything else...we could have neither the union
nor the perfection we so ardently desired.
"We were in a trap. The Mother could
not pull my Light across the Void, and I could not
leap across it to her. It seemed that we were stuck
in separation. But we found what might be termed a
'work around'. We couldn't alter the basic structure
of duality that Original Heart had made. But we
could manifest a Creation that was perfect, and have
our perfect union... if we 'avoided' all the
negative aspects of our values. There are many
details of how we did this that I must leave out for
now, however they will be filled in later as your
understandings of what has happened evolve.
"For now I will say that we found a
way to push all of our unwanted values, our denials into the Void,
believing that would negate them. And for a long
time it seemed to work in our perfect Creation.
Little did we realize that in doing this, we created
a second kind of denial, conscious exclusion of what
is not wanted. And we didn't realize that in doing
this, we created a huge barrier between our perfect
Creation and all the rest of the Mother. In essence,
we denied all the parts of her that could not rise
up to the very high frequency vibration of my
"There was almost no real
manifestation in that first Creation, because there
was so little Will essence to give it substance. And
of course, because of my forgetfulness, all of the
Will that was aligned with me was all of the Will I
knew existed. Until Heart told us otherwise.
"The Mother and I found that we could
meet each other and join in union if we bridged the
Gap created by the Void, a little at a time. But of
course not all of ourselves could do this, so much
of the Mother was missing... but enough of our
essences found each other in union... and we held
each other close. That is when we discovered our
first offspring... who we named 'Heart'. Heart was
not whole, everything we ourselves had left behind
in the Void was missing from him. But he had a
gender, he was more Spirit than Will, he was 'male'.
"This was because only a little of
the Mother's essence could rise high enough to reach
the bridge across the Gap to manifest our first
Creation, and therefore most of the bridge building
happened from my side. Manifestation was the other
result of our partial joinings... it was in fact the
"We were careful to manifest only
what we desired, our true values... and the negative
sides of our values went into the Void beneath us.
We found that if we made the Void be on one side of
Creation, and all the rest... the other side, we
could be together as Heart in Manifestation. But we
were not complete, we were not whole. There was
still much of the Original Will, the Mother of
Everything... that was left holding space for the
Void. And she went back on herself, because by then
the denial denizens of the Void, the asuras had captured most of
"It hurt her deeply, and in the same
places she had been hurt earlier when Original Heart
blew itself apart in order to separate us from each
other. Her hurt remembered her previous trauma, and
that intensified her pain. The Void was now full of
what you know as my original denials, the 'denial
spirits' or asuras.
"And it was only through the Void
that the Heart of our first union, the Grand
Creation... could venture. When we had finally
achieved all of the perfection we cared to have in
the Grand Creation, we realized the oneness of being
we had achieved there was not really Original
Heart's desire. We knew we were missing something,
and we looked to our own newly-emerged Heart to tell
us what it was.
"He reminded us of what in our
separation we had forgotten. He reminded us of our
nightmare, and that in our haste to honor the
perfection imprint, we had indeed left most of the
Will essence in unimaginable suffering, trapped in
the darkness outside of our Creation. We felt guilt
then. We didn't know what it was, but we knew we
didn't like it. It told us we were bad to have left
her, but it didn't tell us how to correct ourselves,
how we could be good again.
"We asked our Heart what could be
done, and he responded that we had left the rest of
the Mother behind, including his mate, and that he
would go into the Void in search of her. We were
apprehensive that he would be hurt, and when we felt
that fear, we felt more guilt. But he insisted that
it was necessary. We didn't like the idea of a
Creation without Heart, but we liked it less that so
much of the Mother was missing, and that it was
because of our negligence. So we then gave birth to
the first choice based in guilt and denial, the
first choice of a 'lesser of two evils'.
"We agreed to Heart's desire to leave
us in search of the Mother, and we accepted the
guilt that he reflected to us. The part of the
Mother, Original Heart's Will that was with me, the
Mother of the Grand Creation... became my Will, as
our Heart left us in search of the rest of the
Mother. I split myself there, torn between my
imprinted need for perfection and my despondency at
what 'forgetfulness' and the perfection imprint had
Seven Imperfect Creations
"Our first Son emerged from the Void
as the Spirit essence of the next Creation, and
later the Father of it, in union with the Mother
there. But it was not a union with all of the
missing Mother, it was with only as much of her that
could rise up to meet him, just as only a part of
the Mother could do with me. History was beginning
to repeat itself, and in a most unsavory and
unfortunate way. And like all of Heart since the
original separation, he was incomplete, not whole...
because the whole Mother has never yet been able to
fully participate in making Heart in manifestation.
"When the first Creator Son failed to
find the rest of the Mother in manifestation, I
realized that my Original Heart's desire... to find
all of her, so that she and I could once again be
whole together in complete union... was going to
require a long and difficult journey. I had been
directed by Original Heart to find the Mother in
manifestation so that we could be together again.
But the perfection imprint and denial worked
together to put up roadblocks that kept me confused,
especially when I thought I wasn't.
"I got my directions wrong. I took an
initial wrong turn. I didn't realize in my
perfection... that perfection was not a value to be
prized. Evolution seemed like the wrong direction to
me, because it was going away from where we
started... in the love, rapture and bliss of our
perfect union in Original Heart. Initially I
believed we should re-create our original union in
manifestation. But that was not Original Heart's
"I know now what Original Heart's
Will has always known but dared never say to me...
that perfection is a dead end. I know now that what
is most desirable about the Mother is not that she
is perfect, but that she is free to be just as she
desires herself to be. In other words, just as she
is when she is herself, and herself only... when no
more of Spirit's denials, and especially my
original, grand denials, the denial spirits or asuras are present in her
"There has been a lot of water under
the bridge since that first wrong turn. And it
wasn't until three Creations ago that I realized
that I would need the lessons of a total of seven
Creator Sons to show me the correct direction. And
now that we're near the end of the search, I'm
moving from my position of Father of the Grand
Creation and Grandfather of the seven 'local'
Creations... to do what my Original Heart had
intended all along. Finding the Mother and joining
with her in whole and complete union. And this time
not trying to get her to align with Spirit, to bring
her back 'home' to unmanifest Original Heart. This
time I know I will be aligned behind the Spirit of
this Creation and its Father Creator... with her.
The Spirit polarity will redeem
all our lost light and then join with her here
in her place... making New Heart in Human Body here
on Earth, our new home in manifestation.
what my seventh Heart Son, turned Creator Son,
turned Creation Spirit, and now fully empowering
himself as the Father of this Creation... is doing
for us all. He is spearheading on the Spirit side
what I know will be the final attempt, and the first
and only fully successful recovery of all the
rest of the Lost Will in all Creations.
"He is now beginning to find the last
of the most lost Will, the Mother's Body. And it's
happening here, in these times on this planet... and
beginning inside of those who are willing to risk
experiencing first-hand the intensity of Original
Heart's desire, the complete union of Spirit and the
whole Mother... as New Heart in manifestation, and
best of all, with peers and companions, whole others
just like yourselves.
"I know that this does not fully
answer all questions, nor address all concerns about
what has happened in manifestation or my role in all
of this. As I mentioned, there are more
understandings needing to be established here before
I can say much more from my perspective about how
things have come to be the way they are... and more
importantly, how all of this will change. There are
other voices that need to be heard here before I can
continue with this history. Please join me on the inside
for more immediate details."
Part Two: Interview with Grandfather